Of Chainsaws and Tuxedos Part 1 . . Because everyone knows that what Kelso asks for, Kelso gets. Even though I make no secret of the fact that as an Evil Dictator I don't take orders, sometimes it's best not to challenge tradition and upset the general population.
It began like any other peaceful event that would end up as a lame, fake-action-packed two-part episode, as any fan of the first two seasons of Batman can tell you. A sunny day and a quiet marriage ceremony in the park, destined to go sour.
SigFfej Figgy was to wed Yuri Fassio after jokingly pursuing him with bad poetry and Kelso got wind of it and demanded a follow-up MOC. The guest list was as follows:
Mark Kelso: It was his stupid idea!
Mister Bones: Best Man
Rev. Shannon Young: Minister
Heath Flor: Not invited, only showed for the booze
Leda-Face: Just because
Oh, and of course Phipson was there as the Flower Girl.
Young: "You know how I feel about this kind of thing."
SigFfej: "Yeah, well, it's my MOC. Let's get on with it."
Unfortunately, nobody seemed to notice Mr. Bones muttering something under his breath before slipping quietly away as a dark blue glow stole over the crowd and caused the artificially dyed strawberry jam topping a pastry to glow.
Bones: "Hah, I'll fix him for wanting to see me eaten during Leda Wars. My new Ultra-Violent light will see to that!"
After the strange gloom had passed, leaving behind nothing but some mystified party guests, things continued as planned. Moving on to the food that Hans Dendauw had catered, Yuri noticed the wedding cake.
Yuri: "Why is there a clock on the cake?"
SigFfej: "Parts shortage."
Yuri: "So you're saying that you couldn't be bothered to buy some measly white plate pieces for my cake?!"
SigFfej: "No, that's not it at all! I just don't have a bank account or a job to pay for them yet."
Yuri: "So now I'm old am I?!"
SigFfej: "I didn't say that at all. I-"
The last thing that he remembered after that was Yuri picking him up and slamming him onto the table, splattering into the cake and upsetting everything.
Waking up some time later, SigFfej found himself in a cell, with the only way out barricaded by lasers that glowed white-hot.
SigFfej: "Hold on a minute, that's UV light making everything light up! This must be Bones's doing. But then again, it could be Yuri. This looks much more like some kind of lame ArcheoGenis creation of his."
Without warning, the lasers cut off and a chain dropped through the ceiling and a freakishly familiar face peeked through.
Leda-Face: "All cozy in there? Sorry to bust you out before you could move in properly, but I can't have you locked up while I plan my world takeover. You're a very important part of the plan, and us evil geniuses must stick together."
SigFfej: "So you're not mad at me for calling you freaky and saying you had a bad haircut, or the time I stole your ride and made it eclipse yours, or the time..."
Leda-Face: "Do you really want to stay here that bad? Because I know someone that's about to extend his visit."
All was still in the hangar near bay AA, until the calm was shattered by the percussive sound of steel-toed high heels rampaging through the corridor.
SigFfej: "So, where are you parked?"
Leda-Face: "Golf-cart bay XY, it was the only block far enough away that nobody would park there and XY was left unlocked."
SigFfej: "And how far is far?"
Leda-Face: "Oh, not too far."
SigFfej: "Well, that was enlightening."
SigFfej: "Just give me a minute to catch my breath."
Leda-Face: "You're one soft Evil Dictator."
SigFfej: "Hey, living a posh life at the expense of others doesn't help to keep oneself in shape. There are disadvantages to taking the cream of the crop for yourself. Mmmmm, cream... I'm hungry."
SigFfej: "You go on ahead, don't wait for me. Whew, that's the last time I let a woman park."
SigFfej: "That's it! I won't move another step! I don't care if they catch me and lock me in a room with Lee Jones! Well, anything else but that. I'm not moving from this spot!"
By this time, Leda-Face wasn't even listening any more. Walking over to the door, she punched a few buttons and the bay doors swooshed open with an overly theatrical hiss.
Leda-Face: "What a baby. All right, Leo Bloom, stop sucking your thumb and take a look."
SigFfej: "See, I knew we'd get there eventually. Hey, what's with the quad? It's mine!"
Leda-Face: "What are you talking about? You stole my design, so I have every right to steal it back! White and pink four-wheelers will only take you so far, you know! Every now and then a girl needs to blow something up."
Leda-Face: "Onwards to my secret lair, from which I, er, we shall conquer the world!"
What is this? Leda-Face teaming up with SigFfej Figgy in a bid to take over the world? Is this the end of things as we know them? And who was it that kidnapped SigFfej in the first place?
Find out next week..