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LOM: the pit
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my character is arril. he is in enilaca. hope you like it!
About this creation
he was running from the guards

he turned to see the guards

he turned back around
Arril: ahhhhhhhh!

he tried to jump

but his cloak got caught on the barb wire

and he fell in the mud. with his sword at the top

the guards aimed their arrows at Arril

then suddenly they were hit by rocks

unknown:ROOOOOOAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!

a cyclopes came out of the tunnel

Arril: what?!

groudy: groudy need get out! so do you! help me!

Arril: what?! ummmmmm....okay!

he tried to jump out
Arril: I can't jump very high in this mud! and I almost hit the barb wire!

groudy knocked the barb wire down

groudy helped Arril up

then Arril helped groudy up

groudy: I need find a home

Arril: you could come with me?
groudy: sound good!

Arril got his stuff

and they went off



Comments

 I like it 
  January 21, 2014
cool pit and landscape details...
 I like it 
  October 17, 2013
No. I wasn't talking about Groudy. I like the way he talks.
 I like it 
  October 17, 2013
I'm glad you are putting more detail on the landscaping! I will have to concur with Freeling- try asking a family member to read the story before you post it and give you suggestions on the writing and punctuation.
  October 17, 2013
I didn't know barbed wire existed in medieval times..... I like how the cyclops talks.
 I made it 
  October 16, 2013
Quoting Freeling . The text isn't quite satisfying. "I did this, then I did this." Is the type of text you're writing. If you would want to be a better story teller, you should give more detail, such as, "First, I walked over to the drawer and pulled out a pen and paper to write to my friend, then after I was done, I gave it to the mailman, who was just passing by my house." Hopefully you understand. I would suggest looking at some good story-MOCS around MOCpages.
are you talking about the character groudy? if you are? he talks like that
  October 16, 2013
I just noticed the LOM on the base. Nice.
  October 16, 2013
I agree with Freeling...the story was a bit hard to follow. I like the LOM in the base of the build though! Just keep trying! ~Brick
 I like it 
  October 16, 2013
The text isn't quite satisfying. "I did this, then I did this." Is the type of text you're writing. If you would want to be a better story teller, you should give more detail, such as, "First, I walked over to the drawer and pulled out a pen and paper to write to my friend, then after I was done, I gave it to the mailman, who was just passing by my house." Hopefully you understand. I would suggest looking at some good story-MOCS around MOCpages.
 I like it 
  October 16, 2013
Great work! I love how you incorporated LoM into the base!
 I like it 
  October 16, 2013
Good build! I like the way you built LOM into the base. If possible though try to take better pictures. Other than that GREAT! ~ McLegofreak
 I like it 
  October 16, 2013
they went of to enilaca? lol, great scheme that pit! and the rocks throw was a cool surprise, the Cyclops was a good idea, it should make an entertaining companion.
 I like it 
  October 15, 2013
Impressive work! You have improved!
 I like it 
  October 15, 2013
Awesome stacked build!
 I like it 
  October 15, 2013
This is great! I think maybe your best yet! Good work Josh :)
 I like it 
  October 15, 2013
Neat build - though the ground could use more color cohesiveness. Nice story!
 I like it 
  October 15, 2013
Cool! The last photo has arrils sword on the ground. ~BD~
 
By josh White
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Added October 15, 2013
 


LEGO models my own creation MOCpages toys shop LOM: the pitAdventurers


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