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Talonmagic, The Retribution
Wow, I've updated this guy way too many times. Luckily, I won't be updating him for awhile. You all know the golden rule for Self-MOCs, if it's not up to par with the rest of your MOCs, it's time for a revamp. Anyway, further commentary will be at the end of the MOC. Please Please PLEASE make this my most popular. Enjoy!
About this creation
Normally, with every new version of Talon, I add a bit to the story, but not this time, since there's no dramtic change in color scheme, nor any other important changes in the story


Name: Talonmagic
Gender: Male
Species: Le-matoran
Element: Air
Title(s): Talonmagic, Talon, brother, airhead, leader, The Retribution
Mask: Kanohi Ulahi, mask of mind manipulation: allows user to control, read, or place thoughts in another mind
Weapon(s): Laser shooting battle axe (nicknamed "Havoc"), twin daggers
Story: As a matoran, Talonmagic adored two things: knowledge and Toa!! Every day he was either reading a book or watching Toa spare. He dreamed of one day becoming a Toa, and ridding aqua magna of the makuta!! Because of this, Talon was often thought of as a
silly bookworm daydreamer, and was often made fun of.

One day while Talon was reading a book on an irrelevant topic, he heard screams of
terror outside his hut. When he went outside to see what the problem was, he saw many buildings ablaze and, in the middle of it all, a makuta of fire. His village was under attack!! Most of the matoran sentries were already on the ground dead, and since Talon didn’t see a toa in site, he decided to try and defeat this immense monster with what knowledge he had. He frantically looked around for weapons, and then he saw a matoran- sized battle axe, and a lazer gun. He strapped the two together with vines, and made his first weapon ever. He thought back to a book he had once read on battle. He reviewed the strategies and terms in his mind, and then fired a lazer bolt at the makuta. The makuta barely flinched on impact, and then looked in Talon’s direction. He began whooping with laughter, but then started screaming in agony when he found a matoran axe blade in his face. He then looked at Talonmagic with an evil glare, for half of his face was taken off by the axe. Then, he swung his giant club at Talon, who in turn jumped away nimbly. The two brawled for awhile, until Talon rose victorious over the mutilated makuta, who now lay on the ground in several pieces. Talon was quite beat up, and since most of his village was pillaged, he started to limp to the next village.

When he arrived at the next village, he collapsed on the medic’s door unconscious, not able to go on. When the medic found him lying nearly dead in his doorway, he immediately started patching him up, and took him to the elders of the village. When Talon finally regained consciousness, he found himself surrounded by old turaga, who were conversing with each. When they saw that he was awake, they asked him where he had come from, and how he had gotten so beat up. He told them about the battle with the makuta, and how he had beaten the gigantic beast. They were appalled that a little scrawny bookworm matoran had taken down a giant makuta. Clearly he was gifted with some unnatural power, so they gave him the one toa stone that they had, which then turned the little matoran into a giant and powerful toa!!

Talonmagic was then enlisted to the toa order. After news of his battle reached the counsel, he was immediately accepted into the order. As weapons, he was given a laser shooting battle axe (upon request),and twin daggers. With these weapons and his newly found air powers, he quickly flew through the ranks of the toa, so much to where the point he became the leader of many toa teams.

After the formation of spherus magna, Talonmagic began ridding the planet of the remnants of the makuta, until the crisis of Valki nui. He was then enlisted to become the leader of the Toa valki, and elite team of toa. He accepted, and became a fierce and powerful leader. He led the team into various wars and battles against the new brotherhood, one in which he was unexpectedly captured. They took him back to their citadel, and locked him up in a shadow cage. A shadow cage is a special type of cage, one that sucks the life force from an organism, and replaces it with pure shadow. Once the life force is completely drained from an organism, it becomes a shadow of what it once was, wondering the planet without purpose or mind. For 10 bitter years Talon suffered in the cage, starving and nearly insane. Eventually, agents of the OoMN were able to penetrate the citadel. They found and rescued Talonmagic, along with several other prisoners, who were also OoMN agents.

They brought Talon back to their outpost not far from the citadel. He was in horrible shape. He looked like a skeleton with a thin layer of skin, as a result of starvation, and he was on the brink of losing his mind. Another thing was that the shadow had tattooed his skin a morbid black across most of his body. For another 15 years, skilled spellcasters and magicians from the OoMN slowly drained the shadow from Talon, although the black marks on his skin never dissapeard. After draining most of the shadow from Talon, Magicians probed Talon's mind, peiceing together what was left of his shattered conscience. This in of it self took many years, since it was such a complicated process. After they completed peiceing together Talon's conscience, they let his body regenerate, since after draining the shadow all that was left was empty space. For several months, Talon lie unconscious on a bed in the healing wing, lifeless, Until one day he opened his eyes, and sat up on the bed. He felt drained, yet refreshed. As he looked at the tattooes on his skin, he had realized what had happened. He asked the guards outside his room if he could see the leader of this particular outpost. They brought him in, and he explained to Talon how they had brought him back from the brink of death and insanity. Amazed, Talon thanked him. But before leaving, the leader of the outpost asked Talon if he would accept a position in the OoMN, since anyone that could survive a shadow cage must be a being with power beyond comprehension. After a few moments of thought, Talon declinced, explaining that he was the leader of a Toa team, the Valki Nui, and that he needed to get back to them after his many years of being away, although he did accept the leaders invitation to be his ally.

After Talon returned to Valki Nui, he was questioned much about what happened to him. He briefed everyone on what had happened, and they were all amazed. When asked about getting the tattooes on his skin removed, he immediately declined, say that they were a sign of power, and it would strike fear into the hearts of his enemies. In the wars to come, it did, and now Talon leads the Toa Valki into battle with his raging courage and power.








In case you guys don't see it, Talon now has an internal heartlight




























Here He is with his Axe, now nicknamed "Havoc"




Lovin' double hand grip


Sweet dreams
*PEW* *PEW*


Dual Dagger Time




Classic Talon Twin Dagger Pose, or CTTDP for short :p


Close-up as well as New Buddy Icon


Talon's new weapon, wrist blades!






Teaser for Next MOC


See Yah!!





Well, that was cool. After finally realizing that the previous version of Talon was WAY to skinny, I took everyones' advice. You wanted buff, I give u buff. I also tried to incorporate some of the stuff from V2 of Talon, since that one seemed to be most popular, such as the beefiness and upper leg design (never knew why I got rid of it in V3). I also changed the custom head design to make the head articulation look a little more natural. Sorry I didn't have any group shots with the Toa Valki, Ulaya was completely destroyed, while the other members are being slowly peiced away at. Considering just trashing the whole team and revamping them at a later date. Anywho, this was a fun build, I really hope you guys like it! Again, I really need you guys to make him my MOST POPULAR, so any help with likes at what not is helpful and appreciated. C&C is also appreciated. MOC on.






Comments

 I like it 
  September 4, 2014
This was the 1st moc I saw on mocpages. Good job!
 I like it 
  November 15, 2012
I am STILL partial to your Knight-of-Valka-Nui version, but I like the torso tech variation to help you UP your Like count and bump this one. Still LOVE the MOC, o' course, m8. Cheers!
 I like it 
  November 11, 2012
Absolutely love it. I haven't really commented on your MOCs before, but this is just to cool to resist. I think the body design is just brilliant! :) Btw, my self- MOC's lower arms are similar to yours (his upgrade is not posted yet) but I did NOT get the idea from you. Just letting you know. ;)
Talonmagic ~
 I like it 
The Texan Bionicle Builder
  August 30, 2012
The lower legs could use a bit more bulk and silver. The upper legs look kinda weird, still pretty cool. :D
  August 24, 2012
Ya know, Metru Feet for shoulder pads seem to be getting popular.
 I like it 
  August 24, 2012
Wow, This is great! The torso is amazing, the silver HF piece gives it a great look. Also, the custom feet, nice job. All in all, a fantastic upgrade to Talon!
 I like it 
  August 24, 2012
Nice work! really like all the new details!
 I like it 
  August 22, 2012
Great job revamping your SM :) I think this is a good balance between v1 and v2
 I like it 
  August 21, 2012
I´m sure with Noah, This is the best version of Talonmagik. Really, really amazing self-moc. I really like his torso. You are really great builder!!!!!
 I like it 
  August 21, 2012
The thing I really like on this new version is that you somehow fixed the head connection, and it doesn't stick out a little bit too much anymore! The new torso armoring is also great, good to see some silver again. Great upgrade!
 I like it 
  August 20, 2012
Excellent! Best Talon so far!
 I like it 
  August 20, 2012
Nicely done, the build is very good! I think the color scheme is a little all over the place though. Try a little more color grouping, especially with the lime green. As the main accent color, it should pop in certain places. Keep up the good work!
 I like it 
  August 20, 2012
EPICNESSZ! Sweet crumbling crackers, that's AWESUMmZ! Love the feet, chest design is awesome to :D
 I like it 
  August 20, 2012
The golden rule 0.0
 I like it 
  August 20, 2012
Nice update! I like the silver effect, like the tattoos are fading. Nice job. ;) My only problem is the custom head. That one part still sticks out and makes him look silly. :P If you could fix that, that'd be cool. ;)
 I like it 
  August 20, 2012
Very, Very nice update!
 I like it 
  August 20, 2012
Woah. This moc is simply amazing. I read the whole story and found it very intruiging such as a book might be. I absolutely love the feet, chest, and lower arms on this guy, but the other parts are just as good. If you did rebuild your whole toa team, I would make sure to comment.
 I like it 
  August 20, 2012
Awesome! I love the body design! The legs and feet are cool! The only thing I'd say is that the head looks like it's set too far back, if you know what I mean :)
 I like it 
  August 20, 2012
Awesome! I love the feet! But I kinda liked the last version better.
 I like it 
  August 20, 2012
Cool, nice moc.
 I like it 
  August 19, 2012
Well done! Very nice custom head and I really like that gunmetal torso piece; it flows well with the rest of the moc. Arms and legs are also nice (the black is always good :D) but I'm not sure about those thighs, they look a tad fat. Anyways, another like to get to most popular for ya!
 I like it 
  August 19, 2012
awsome!!!!!
 I made it 
  August 19, 2012
Quoting Chronos Omega Excellent. Certainly your best version yet. I recently built a soldier Matoran version of Talon, I'll post him soon. :D
Cool, Can't wait! And thanks!
 I like it 
  August 19, 2012
this is a great moc.like the old color scheme. The armor on his chest might ¸look a little weird because it's not the same silver
 I like it 
  August 19, 2012
Needs more green but other than that great moc
 I like it 
  August 19, 2012
holy Ł$%@!!! very nice MOC
 I like it 
  August 19, 2012
Dude... Talon to the max... Loving the Metru foot Shoulder pads! He is buffer, way more filled out, but he has that ninja look! Like a real Air Toa. At this point I don't have enough parts, but I would love to build Talon :)
 I like it 
  August 19, 2012
Nice! The upper legs are a little too buff but other than that it is awesome!
 I like it 
  August 19, 2012
Now THAT is Talon! My absolute FAV version of him. So many well done designs, that internal heartlight, that epic head, the classic Talon beefy-ness. Lovely work T, this is by far your best version of him. Hoping to see this at your most popular!
 I like it 
  August 19, 2012
Excellent. Certainly your best version yet. I recently built a soldier Matoran version of Talon, I'll post him soon. :D
 
By Talonmagic ~
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LEGO models my own creation MOCpages toys shop Talonmagic, The Retribution


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