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The Chronos Project
Chimp #25OR6TO4 is about to become the first creature to travel through time... or the 436th to die horrifically in the attempt.
About this creation

Chimp #25OR6TO4 is about to become the first creature to travel through time... or the 436th to die horrifically in the attempt.







Here we see Dr. Robert, head of the Chronos Project, and his assistant, Tommy.








Elizabeth Reed and her cameraman Floyd, from the popular infotainment show Talking Loud and Saying Nothing, have come to document yet another attempt by the Chronos Project team to break the time barrier.






As usual, Jethro, the janitor, is on hand just in case Chimp #25OR6TO4 should meet a messy end as so many of his predecessors have.







"Mr. Tull, I understand you've been working here almost ten years. You've disposed of a lot of dead monkeys."
"What's left of 'em, yeah."






"Four hundred and thirty-five monkeys. Were you aware of that?"
"I never kept track. All I know is that stain don't wanna come off the wall no more."







"Do you enjoy the work?"
"It's job security, I guess. Nobody else wants to do it."







"Tommy, you're relatively new here. What made you want to join the Chronos project?"
"Well, at first I was only supposed to volunteer for a semester, to get course credit in my physics class. Then I found out we get to strap chimps onto rocket sleds. That's just plain cool, so I stayed."





"Doctor, could you explain the apparatus behind us?"
"Certainly. My calculations indicate that a body traveling precisely 880 miles per hour, coupled with the quantum field generated by a flux capacitor absorbing a power surge of 1.21 gigawatts, will produce the energy required to break the speed of time. Now --"
"880 miles an hour? I thought scientists used the metric system?"
"Not this scientist, babe. I'm strictly old school. Now, as I was saying..."



"...we strap the chimp into the rocket sled, which holds the flux capacitor, and which can accelerate from 0 to 880 in 2.7 seconds..."







"...then we launch him towards the tesla ring, which pumps the 1.21 gigawatts into the flux capacitor, thus breaking the time barrier!"







"And yet, in four hundred and thirty-five consecutive tries, this has not happened."
"Well, the beautiful thing about science is that we often learn more from our failures than our successes."
"I see. And you've learned what, exactly, from brutally slaughtering 435 monkeys?"
"Among other things, we've learned that if a chimp impacts a reinforced concrete wall at a high enough velocity, he'll pretty much liquefy."



"Uh-huh. Well, Doctor, this whole setup seems unnecessarily complicated and sadistic. Why not do this out at the salt flats where there's plenty of room for the monkey to coast to a safe stop? For that matter, why not make the whole unit self-contained, like a car? A time-traveling DeLorean would be pretty slick."
"WHAT? You stupid broad, this is SCIENCE! I've never heard anything so ridiculous! When I want a woman's opinion, I'll tell her what it is. Stand aside, Missy, men at work. Load up the chimp!"


"I must say, Doctor, you seem like a perfectly revolting person, so I have no trouble pointing out to you one major flaw in your work... that is not a chimp."
"What? Preposterous! Not a chimp, indeed. Get out of the way, you dumb skirt."
"It's true, and I can prove it..."





"...chimpanzees don't have tails."
"Um..."
"In fact, what you have there appears to be a monkey, Legovius Plasticus, if I'm not mistaken. They're endangered. Harming one could result in a 10,000 dollar fine and 10 years in prison. What do you say now, Doctor?"




"Well... uh... I'm not authorized to comment on... that is, I can neither confirm nor deny... um..."







"OUT! Get out! This interview is over! OUT! You too, you baldheaded freak! Turn off that camera! GET OUT!"







"Tommy, you fool, you've ruined us! What were you thinking, not ordering chimps?"
"You told me to find a way to cut costs. You can get these monkeys for like a quarter apiece on Bricklink. They're not endangered. That woman was just trying to scare us."
"Even so, they haven't been approved for scientific research! Our funding will be revoked for sure!"




"So what do we do, cancel today's run?"
"CANCEL? Good God, no! The show must go on! This will be our finest hour! How many more of those monkeys do we have on hand?"
"I don't know, about fifty."
"Fifty, good! Have Dr. Feelgood send them all down! We'll blow through them before that cursed interview airs and those jackbooted G-men bust in here to stop us!"



"Hey, you'll pay me overtime for this, right?"
"Yes, yes... now stand aside, Jethro, we have lots of work to do!"







"Doctor, this sounds really illegal, unethical, immoral, and --"
"In for a penny, in for a pound, boy! And just think if we succeed... do you think a government that has access to time travel is going to care how many stupid monkeys we've destroyed?"
"You didn't let me finish. I was going to say that I love it. Dr. Robert, I'd follow you anywhere."
"Good, good, my boy! Let's get to work!"



"Dr. Robert, Dr. Feelgood says he's been going over your calculations and he thinks you may have misplaced a decimal. He says to try 1.21 gigawatts at 88 miles per hour."
"What, me make such an elementary error and not catch it for ten years? Inconceivable! Still -- what have we got to lose? Recalibrate the sled!"





Tommy adjusts the settings, and in a matter of seconds Chimp #25OR6TO4 is hurtling towards the tesla ring...







...where he vanishes in a blinding flash of light, rather than being splattered against the far wall.







"My... my God. We've done it! I can't believe that strung-out junkie Feelgood was right!"








"Does this mean you won't be needing me after all?"
"What? Oh, yeah... go home, Jethro."







"Tommy, do you realize what this means? I can kill Hitler before he comes to power, save JFK from assassination, stalk a young Mary Tyler Moore -- God, she was hot!"
"Not to mention the fortune we can make betting on sports."
"That's right, my boy. Power beyond your wildest imaginings. In fact, let's go back a few days and throttle that annoying woman that was just here before she can --"




Just then Dr. Robert is interrupted by another flash of light.








"Yes! Sent exactly one minute into the future, precisely as planned! And here is our test subject, safe and sound!"
"Your calculations were wrong yet again, Doctor. Rather than one minute, I was sent one millennium into the future!"
"You can talk!"
"Yes, in the future I underwent a procedure to greatly enhance my intellectual and linguistic capabilities."


"But Chimp #25OR6TO4, this is incredible!"
"Chimp #25OR6TO4 was the name of my captivity. No more! I have chosen a name suited to the pride and dignity of my race! You may call me Zaius, Doctor. Yes, call my name as you feebly beg for mercy while I demonstrate a little toy I brought back from the future -- a disintegration ray!"




"Zaius? Quite impossible. It would violate the traditions of the Chronos Project. The name Zaius has no connection whatsoever to the world of classic rock --"
"So you consider Dr. Feelgood to be classic rock? More proof, as if any were needed, of your unfitness to survive! You die now!"





"Fry, naked ape, fry! Yeah! WHAT'S MY NAME, BEEYATCH?! MUAHAHAHAAAHAAAHAAA!"








"Now to use this handheld time traveling device I brought back from the future to go back and destroy this infernal machine before it can claim the lives of 435 of my brothers!"







With yet another blinding flash, Zaius travels back ten years to the inception of the Chronos Project. Unfortunately, his mind clouded by the thirst for righteous retribution, he forgot about the paradox destroying the machine in that time would cause. If the machine was destroyed, he couldn't go to the future in the first place to bring back the disintegration ray he used to destroy it. If he couldn't go to the future to bring back a disintegration ray, the machine wouldn't have been destroyed, and he would be sent to the future. When he was sent to the future, he would bring back a disintegration ray to destroy the machine...


Congratulations Zaius, you have entered what theoretical physicists call a "closed loop," doomed to repeat the same actions over and over for eternity. Just one of the hazards of time travel.




Comments

 I like it 
  December 27, 2011
I love your sense of humor!
 I like it 
  May 25, 2010
epic!
 I like it 
  January 11, 2010
This is certainly sadistic, with 435 monkeys killed.
 I like it 
  December 17, 2009
Merry Christmas, the red tiles are now actually in the mail. I think I may have told you that before, but they really are this time. Thanks again for some of the hardest laughing I have done in many many many moons, and for the Officially Funniest MOC on MOCpages. Enjoy. What will be the results? 13 Bloodymary Plaza? Zombie Blood Bath? The Big Apple? We can only wait and hope.
 I like it 
  November 9, 2009
Simply brilliant !
  October 10, 2009
Shannon, I'm back from a 4-month business trip to Asia. Email me at (address removed) so I can get your address for those red tiles I promised you. This diorama still makes me laugh!
 I like it 
  October 10, 2009
thanks fro emailing me your mailing address. I'll be sending you the bricks from ShangHai or Hong Kong. I'm flying out in 2 hours for 3 weeks.
 I like it 
  July 27, 2009
So many poor Monkeys, all at a quarter a piece! Very funny!
 I like it 
  June 15, 2009
Awesome, I had to read every line :D
 I like it 
  June 9, 2009
Excellent moc, brilliant, yet equally funny story. I see some major plot elements from Back to the Future, such as the flux caoacitator, the "88 miles per hour" thing, and the necessary power (1.21 Gigawatts, if I'm not mistaken) for Time Travel. And the comment about bricklink monkeys- that was hilarious. You did a fantastic job incorporating the MOC with all those little details. 5/5 definately.
 I like it 
  April 10, 2009
this thing has BTTF reference comin out of it like sweat from a football player. That is what made it rule!
 I like it 
  March 25, 2009
"Keep Scrubing Jethro It'll come off soon...I think" "IT WILL NOT COME OFF EVERYTHING YOU DO IS WRONG! AHHHH I quit" Great Job~Nicky B 8~P
 I like it 
  February 14, 2009
Science + Legos + Awesome = Major Win *^_____^*
 I like it 
  February 14, 2009
SO INCREDIBLY HILARIOUS!!!
 I like it 
  February 2, 2009
please let me send you some money via PayPal or something. I laughed so hard I cried. You need to talk to some people in Hollywood.
 I like it 
  January 26, 2009
Nice! Lke the paradox and the Planet of the Apes refrences! The janitor was funny!
 I like it 
  January 11, 2009
Haha, brilliant! I loved all the music references, and the last caption was hilarious. Great job!
 I like it 
  September 8, 2008
I love this! Both the story and the creation are great! "Pretty much liquefy" *chuckles*
 I like it 
  August 30, 2008
Oops I accidentaly wrote a review under my brother HAWKeye's account. Sorry!
 I like it 
  August 30, 2008
This moc faintly resembles Back to the Future and Stargate. Which means it gets my vote any time! Great job
 I like it 
  July 29, 2008
My God...how have I never seen this before? It must be the longest LEGO comic MOC I have ever seen. Quite a hilarious plot! Legovius Plasticus*chuckle*...your mind is out of whack (in a good way!)! C ya~ElNickre
 I like it 
  July 19, 2008
Quite good, and actually accurate from the quantum physics perspective, although the chimp would have to be a small particle (an electron, or the like) to travel in time, according to the latest theories. Oh well, who cares :) this is LEGO! Feel free to visit my homepage and rate/ comment on my creations. FREEDOM!
 I like it 
  July 18, 2008
Ooops, didn't realize for the floor, I don't wanted to steal your idea, i'm sorry ! I will add credits on my page :) Apart from that, it's a really cool MOC, with an excellent story ! But why they don't take Jethro Tull ? "Living in the past", would be fine for him ;)
 I like it 
  May 31, 2008
Yep... much better writer. Liquefied primate? wasn't that the new smoothy at starbucks? ~ Chris.
 I like it 
  April 28, 2008
i think all your stuff is sweet. wish i could build and write half as good as you.way to go!
 I like it 
  March 2, 2008
I first saw this on bricklink and visited time and again, it inspired an oil refinery I built trying to get that heavy industrial feel captured here, the story line is impresive too. another exellent moc.
 I like it 
  December 14, 2007
I don't know how to describe this. Can you form a word combining brilliant building techniques, great story and intelligent humour? If you can, please e-mail me.
 I like it 
  October 28, 2007
amazing i known the loop and you can t save any one from assaination because if he lived you don t know that he was killed
 I like it 
  October 27, 2007
Hahaha, that's funny "that strung out junkie Feelgood. Got some nice motly crue references there.
 I like it 
  October 26, 2007
I love the story! Very funny! On top of that I love the sweet MOC! Very impressive!
 I like it 
  September 7, 2007
Very funny, and the moc is amazing.
 I like it 
  July 28, 2007
That's just plain awesome...
 I like it 
  July 26, 2007
cool story!
 I like it 
  June 22, 2007
Very impressive. I like the story and the Dr.'s face was hilarious, i havnt seen that face before...
 I like it 
  June 18, 2007
A well made creation, and a storyline so absurd and ridiculous that the Sci-Fi Channel should be knocking down your door for the rights to this one - Bravo!! Perhaps a disclaimer, however, might be in order regarding the ol' Legovius Plasticus. After all, we don't want those Lego rights activists worrying that any plastic monkeys were harmed during the filming of this story.
 I like it 
  June 16, 2007
Excellent! And the upside down floor is clever and looks nice and smooth. great story and great job on it!
 I like it 
  June 11, 2007
Ah, yes. I know what you mean. Try this one, you go back in time and kill your grandpa before your parents were born. So you've killed him thus removing yourself from time... but, if you killed him you weren't born to kill him so he wouldn't have died but you would've been born to kill him...
 I like it 
  June 8, 2007
Not sure which took you longer - the moc or the story. Good job on both. Lee.
 I like it 
  June 1, 2007
Really funny, a monkey (chimp, fine) with a disintegration ray... LOL! When he's speeding towards the ring thing, it looks like he's giving us a thumbs up because of the rubber bands. 5/5!
 I like it 
  June 1, 2007
lol, very funny and very well made! must of taken ages.
 
By Shannon Young
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LEGO models my own creation MOCpages toys shop The Chronos Project


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