Mob Rules, Final Round, Category: There can be only one
About this creation
Somewhere, in a secret lair……..
“Mwuahahahahahaha!!! So that’s what will happen to the Awesome Foursome when I push the big red button! You will be cancelled! What do you think of that Professor?”
“Chancellor Canceller, that’s despicable! Have you no mercy?”
“No. I have long waited for the day when I can rid Super City of the Awesome Foursome……
The awkward yet brilliant Professor Awesome and his awesome mind.
His beautiful yet insecure wife Sarah Awesome AKA Awesome Girl - Shouldn’t that be Awesome Woman by now? Or Mrs. Awesome? I mean you’re knocking on the wrong side of 35 and ..
“Hey, I’m not insecure!”
“Then we have Sarah’s annoying little Brother ‘Awesome’ Jimmy – who if you were a duo would be pure bait/ sidekick with a fashionable hairdo.
And finally, fan-favourite Chase Shadow, the mean, mysterious, moody fighter with a secret past and a thing for Sarah”
“You dirty slime Canceller, when I get out of this cage I’ll tear ya limb from limb”
“You won’t escape Shadow, and if you did my electric weasels will overwhelm even your awesome powers. I’m going to use the ultimate super death-trap of mega-doom! As your arch-enemy….
“Not so fast Canceller!”
“What, who’s that?”
“It’s me, Mechatool! Mwuahahahaha..
“Yeah, yeah, we already did the laugh thing. Who let this robo-trespasser in?”
“Uh, sorry dad, that was me”
“Francis! What did I tell you about letting strange villains into the lair? Go to your room! So what do you want Sparky?”
“You can’t finish off the Awesome Foursome Canceller. I am their arch-enemy from way back in their adventures in Roboville. I caused the galaxy-quake which they foiled and tried to steal Professor Awesome’s brain! I’ve got an oversized lawn-mower that I’m going to run over them – except Sarah. I’m going to turn her into Mechamiss!”
“You ain’t doing squat metal man!”
“Who dares interrupt Mechatool?”
“It’s me, Sneaky Cleaver! And I’m the real arch-nemesis around here! I predate both of you clowns when the Foursome foiled my mutant crime syndicate, AND I once killed Chase Shadow too”
“It didn’t take”
“Did Francis leave the door open? Never mind all that, I’ve fought these bozo’s more time than either of you combined so you can take your tin-can buddies and wannabe were-gangsters and get out of my lair. I’m the arch-enemy here, and there can be only one!”
“Ahem, gentlemen? Can I make a suggestion? If one of you does murder us horribly, it benefits all of you, so how about you share the job?”
“I got my professional pride to think of here, I can’t share a final showdown with these two – I’m an arch-enemy, not a team-up kind of guy.”
“Yes, this is not a cross-over here. We’ve got to settle this”
“Then how about a contest? The winner gets to massacre us in an incredibly inventive way.”
“He’s got a point you know”
“He should, he’s supposed to be the cleverest man on the planet. So how do we settle this? Let’s head up to my lair.”
Some time later……………
“Well Eric here has eaten more than Lefty, so he wins the ‘greed’ portion of the contest”
“I still say it’s unfair – Robodrones do not eat at all”
“Yes Mechatool, but neither do they feel pain which gave them a distinct advantage in the shin-kicking contest”
“And nobody wants to arm-wrestle an 8 foot tall cyborg with a chainsaw, so don’t ask again. I don’t know, we could be here all day. Sports quiz went to me as did interpretive dance. Drinking games went to Cleaver. You won the shin-kicking and ping-pong and Cleaver’s minion just ate more meat than I thought safe, so we’re tied on two each. We need a tie breaker.”
“Why don’t we ask the Awesome Foursome? They’re impartial right?”
“Good idea Cleaver, let’s head downstairs …..
“Oh. Well this is awkward.”
“They…. Ran off? That’s just lame. I mean they could have mounted an awesome attack on us with a rallying cry and everything.”
“And look what they did to poor Francis”
“Wait, you named your crocodile after your son?”
“Don’t be ridiculous – I named my son after my crocodile”
“I feel cheated. All that ‘awesome’ stuff is just good PR – who is their agent?”
“That little fella’ with the glasses – Stan something”
“He’s very good. I expected to get a kicking. Man what an anti-climax.”
“At least I can make my chiropractors’ appointment this afternoon”
“Well, I’ll see you guys soon. It villain’s night at Galactus’ bar on Friday and...
“The Awesome Foursome?”
“No. Announce me sidekick!”
“He is the Bionic Shark! Born of a cosmic conjunction between a Great White and a nuclear sub, his blows are mighty and his enemies squeal like schoolgirls at a Twilight convention! His Bionic bite can cleave through steel! He swims faster than a speeding Marlin! Your evil careers will be prolonged by fleeing - By Poseidon’s beard, he’s looking for an arch-nemesis!”
“And you are?”
“Herring Boy, plucky sidekick with the power to charm small fish and exude the odours of the sea”
“I did wonder if the smell was Cleaver. Tell me, is there a sign outside my supposedly secret lair saying ‘Chancellor Canceller is in, no need to knock’? No matter, you picked a bad day to crash my party. FRANCIS! Bring Daddy a BIG tub of tartar sauce and some Lemon, OK?”
4th Wall/ Notes
Yes, I read comics, often older rather than new. I was reading ‘Wanted’, then ‘Kick-Ass’ the night this category was announced and I’ve always thought that Villains are so much cooler than the heroes they fight, so this was the product of my warped imagination. I hope you get a chuckle out of it.
That’s it then, last round of Mob Rules. I’m pleased to have got this far, but the judging for the ‘magnificent seven’ could be warfare, so I’ve no idea how it will pan out. Good luck to all. Thanks to Shannon for running this in the face of numerous drop-outs, dumb questions and late entries. Thanks to Dennis, Chris, Hans and Moodswim for the hilarious and inventive categories. Thanks to all who commented on my creations for the contest.
Stu: "Ha! I was doing fantastically in the Mob Rules. I even beat Wes Pitter in the final round!" Wes: "It didn't take." Congrats on an excellent run in the Mob Rules, I really enjoyed all of the brilliant creations and zany humor that the contest brought out of you. Sadly, there could only be one, and you didn't make it, but when you put out stuff like this, is it possible to lose?
Brilliant!!!!! Too many hilarious moments and one liners to mention, if I did I would be here all day, and I have stuff to do today... gotta just say a quickie though, I LOVE that ping pong table!!!! Oh, oh! and I have to just repeat that line, "It didn't take." had me nearly drown in my coffee as it came out my nose.
Quoting Hans Dendauw
Yeah, Herring Boy is hilarious and all, but is it too much to ask for a freakin' laser on Bionic Shark's head?!
Ahhhh, that would have been sweet. I might have to make the further adventures of Bionic Shark now..... " After barely surviving an almighty kicking by three super-villains, The mighty Bionic Shark lay in his hospital aquarium and dreamed restlessly of only two things - REVENGE! and a head laser.
Yeah, Herring Boy is hilarious and all, but is it too much to ask for a freakin' laser on Bionic Shark's head?! Consistency, like with a bowel movement, is essential in any competition and you repeatedly 'Take the Browns to the Super Bowl'! Like my date on Prom night, judging should be tight! Ok, I'm outa here before, Chris bans me. Best of luck, my friend, you've made quite a showing.~H
“Herring Boy, plucky sidekick with the power to charm small fish and exude the odours of the sea” - You can safely chalk up another spot to Stu Delahay on "Matt's List of Uproariously Hilarious Quotes When Removed from Context."
You've done it again! Your sense of humor and impeccable taste in absurdity has really tickled my funny bone! I really can't decide on who I like more out of the final MR group, you, or Wes Pitter. Oh well, I hope either of you win, you've done so well throughout this whole crazy competition.
“Herring Boy, plucky sidekick with the power to charm small fish and exude the odours of the sea”... funny, my ex wife had the EXACT same powers! Small world. Ok, THIS was funny! And I know funny, I have to see it in the mirror every day! Great work man and good luck! ~ Chris.