MOCpages : Share your LEGO® creations
LEGO models my own creation MOCpages toys shop Morton Zuckerman - Detective Chef!
Welcome to the world's greatest LEGO fan community!
Explore cool creations, share your own, and have lots of fun together.  ~  It's all free!
Morton Zuckerman - Detective Chef!
Mob Rules, Round 1, Group E
About this creation
Somewhere uptown……..



It was a hot night, the ‘kinda night makes you glad you don’t wear pants made of hair, filled with scotch bonnet peppers. I’d been called out late and arrived at the apartments to find an officer blocking the door. There were already one or two reporters outside and a flashbulb went off as Ramone and I nodded to the officer and headed in.





The door was opened by my old friend Detective Hurn. His thunderous look lifted when he saw who it was.
“Ah, Zuckerman. Thanks for getting here so quickly. Ramone,” He nodded to my sous chef. “I think this is the kind of case that requires your special talents. There’s already paparazzi hanging around and when the papers hit the stands I need something or my chief is gonna tear me a new one”. He led the way to a well-appointed dining room. I immediately assessed the scene.



“Six settings. Three courses. Salade Niçoise, followed by stuffed lamb tornedos served with minted peas, individual pommes dauphinoise and a red wine/ juniper reduction, finished with a chocolate torte served with crème fraiche and raspberry coulis. More a simple spring meal than summer, but agreeable with the correct wines. So what is the issue?” I asked.



“That dead body, Morton, and a missing diamond as big as an egg”

“Oh yes. Of course. Quails or hens?” I asked as I turned to see the corpse on the floor.

“What?”

“Quails egg or hen’s egg – it could be very important. So who is this poor unfortunate?” I asked.



“Not so poor. That was Okie ‘Dokie’ Growthspurt, one of the richest men in town and owner of the missing diamond. And I’d say hen’s egg”

I was shocked. The creator of the famous Okie Dokie Doodads was dead at my feet. Everybody in the country knew his rags to riches story. Heck, I owned a doodad and I’d even bought one for Ramone at Christmas. I looked down at his body, and gestured to Ramone. My faithful sous chef passed me a large magnifying glass and I proceeded to examine the body.




“Who found him Dave?” I asked the Inspector.

“One of his dinner guests, a Ms. Foxy Derriere. She and the other guests are in the kitchen along with the butler – nobody has left since the dinner began. A doorman downstairs had been on duty the whole time.”

“Then bring them back in here. Our murderer must still be around and I want to question them in the presence of the body!”



Inspector Hurn filled in the details as the guests walked back in. Mr. Growthspurt had invited some of the city’s most famous and infamous to a private dinner with the promise of some big news. After dinner some went to the balcony for cigars and cognac, the butler began to clear up and everyone freshened up before Okie’s big announcement. Only when he’d been gone for 10 minutes with everybody waiting did Ms. Derriere go looking for him. Her screams alerted everybody, who came running to the dining room to find Okie blue-faced and still.

I looked at their faces. I wondered how much of their discomfort was that they weren’t used to policemen and their questions, or guilt at the body on the ground?

There was Ms. Foxy Derriere, and her manager, agent and lover, Mr. Roscoe Murky. She was the foremost ‘adult entertainer’ in the land - movies, magazines, websites. It was said he had made a fortune off her back. And front. He was probably the least reputable person in the room, which was impressive when his client had a reputation for movies involving a super-soaker filled with double cream, a rubber hood, a bag of pan scourers and the entire percussion section of the Austrian philharmonic orchestra.




Next was the Maharaj Kumar Ramalama, wealthy heir to the throne of Mino-understan. He was rumoured to spend months in the city every year, indulging his playboy lifestyle. He was certainly ogling Ms. Derriere, but not the other lady present as she was old enough to be his grandmother. That was the successful mystery writer and amateur sleuth, Mrs. Jessica Meddler. She had written dozens of best-selling novels and stuck her beak into many police investigations.



The Butler was here, trying not to clean up potential evidence. Philmore Butts his name was. I could see some of his discomfort was caused by the intrusion of guests into his kitchen, and some by his incredibly tight trousers. I could sympathise. Last but not least was the most surprising guest of all. Mr. Jack Schidtt, managing director of Schidtt Products, and Growthspurt’s biggest rival! He’d released a cheap rip-off of the Doodad called the Schidtt-box and started a war of words in the press too.



It was Mr. Murky who noticed my arrival first
“And who the hell are you?” he offered in friendly greeting.

“I am Morton Zuckerman, Detective Chef! This is my sous chef, Ramone. Due to an unfortunate incident with a Lebanese patisserie chef several years ago he can only speak the words ‘Si Signor’. Isn’t that right Ramone?”
“Si Signor”



“We are here at the request of the police to assist in solving this crime. Tell me Mr. Murky, why were you and Miss Derriere here this evening?”

“Okie said he had a job for Foxy, promoting a new product, said it was the next big thing, but he was also talking to that skank Dita Eater so we had to negotiate. I was going to get Foxy to negotiate with him face-to-face” he leered. Foxy giggled and pouted.

“And you Maharaj Kumar?” I asked.
“My family are always looking for investment opportunities Chef Zuckerman. I was hoping to get involved with Mr. Growthspurt’s new product and prove to my family that I don’t just spend my time in the city drinking champagne and chasing young ladies dressed in a squirrel outfit.”



“I see. Mrs. Meddler?”
“Well dear, I’m an old friend of Okie’s from back when he used to live around the corner from me in Quaint Cove. I was in town to promote my new book ‘Murder she quotes’ and rang Okie to reminisce about eating clams by the shore. I remember one time..”
“Pardon me Mrs. Meddler, but I have a crime to solve and I’d like to do it before I too am deceased. And finally, Mr. Schidtt. How did Mr. Growthspurt’s fiercest rival come to be at dinner with him tonight?”



“Well son, I knew what Okie’s announcement was going to be tonight” he said in his gravelly voice. Everyone else stopped, all ears for this news. “He was going to announce a new product as Roscoe said, but I knew it was going to be….. The Doodad 2.0! And I knew because it was going to be in partnership with me! I was going to stop competing with Okie and between us we could corner the market”. I thought for a moment.
“What happens now Mr. Growthspurt is dead, Sir?” I asked.
“Well, I’d have to consult my legal team” he stuttered, “But I would hope we can still release the Doodad 2.0. It’s what Okie would have wanted”
“Along with the profits he would have been entitled to as well” I mused.




“Mr. Butts, how do we know a diamond is missing?”
“Well it’s usually displayed on the drinks cabinet as a curio sir. I’ve checked and can’t find it anywhere” said the softly spoken butler.

I mulled all this over. There were certainly some motives for murder here and opportunities too. I had to ask some hard questions.




“Mrs. Meddler, did you enjoy the salade nicoise?”

“What? Well yes but I don’t see what…

“You noticed this fresh tuna used? Perhaps the boiled potatoes and dressing were to your liking?” I brandished the huge fish that Ramone had fetched from the refrigerator.

“I did, and yes they were young man, but I don’t know whe..”



“Thank you madam, that is all. Ms. Derriere, how did you find the Chocolate Torte?”

“I just looked and it was on my plate. Like a big brownie.”

“Exactly the response I was expecting from you. Apparently you have a reputation for swallowing anything. Thank you.” I turned to the gentlemen.



“Gentlemen, how big a portion did you receive? Was your meat fat and round? Did any of you perhaps offer a large portion to one of the ladies?”

“Well” said Roscoe Murky, “There was 5 minutes in the bathroom with Foxy..”
“I don’t think that’s what he meant son” Said Jack Schidtt.
“Oh really sir? Do you know that for sure? Do you know Schidtt?” I asked.




“If I may make a suggestion…” Said Mrs. Meddler.

“No madam, you may not”

“Enough of this Zuckerman, why do you ask us about the meal? A man has died here tonight and you are the one the police call for help?” asked the Maharaj.



“I ask about the meal sir, in my capacity as a chef with not one, but two Michelin stars to my name. Also, I have already solved the mystery but am paid by the hour and wished to improve my fee. So, to the conclusion!”

I could feel the tension in the room like the thickening of a fondue sauce once cornflour is added. I paced as I told them of my deductions.

“Firstly, the missing diamond. I wondered about theft, but you are all independently wealthy, except Mr. Butts and perhaps Ms. Derriere if Mr. Murky is as poor a manager as I suspect. However, Mr. Butts is very loyal and he reported the missing item. Ms. Derriere may have an award winning behind, but has the brains of a demented gerbil and I find it hard to believe she can even walk in straight line without concentrating. No, I have deduced that……




There was no theft!”



“So where is the diamond?” Asked Phil Butts.

“Ramone. Please frog-splash the victim”

“Si Signor” Before anybody could object, my diminutive companion leaped onto Okie Growthspurt’s chest.



With a loud ‘POP’ something shot from the corpse’s mouth and hit Mr. Murkey clean in the face, knocking him from his feet.



“Ladies and gentlemen, the Diamond was not stolen, it was the murder weapon! Mr. Growthspurt was choked with a sparkly rock.”

The sharp intake of breath told me I had them. Now for the big reveal.




“So, I carefully deduced from the facts available to me that it was not the Maharaj Kumar Ramalama. He had nothing to gain from the victim’s death as he was seeking an investment opportunity. Likewise, Mr Murky and Ms. Derriere would only lose out if their prospective paycheck died. The only thing that could induce any of you to murder this man might be the threat of blackmail. As it’s a well known fact that the Maharaj likes furry cosplay and drinks like an Irish sailor, and Ms. Derriere lives her entire life in graphic, sometimes close-up detail on camera, I discounted this theory.

Then there is the butler, Philmore Butts. Although I suspect an unscrupulous man might look to Mr. Growthspurt’s will for a reason to murder him, the fact the victim was wealthy enough to display an egg-sized diamond in his home meant that a clever butler could have long ago found ways to make some money on the side. If that was the case, why kill the goose that laid the golden egg?”




“What goose? I haven’t seen a goose” said Candy.

“Nor will you Ms. Derriere, now be quiet please, the grown-ups are talking. Which leaves us with Jack Schidtt and Jessica Meddler. Mr. Schidtt is a business rival of the victim, who publicly traded insults with him, and would now look to have rights to distribute his new product and collect the profits. Mrs. Meddler on the other hand is an old friend of Okie’s and is a respected amateur detective herself. It should be obvious that the murderer is………….



Mrs Jessica Meddler!” The assembled group gasped. Mrs Meddler looked troubled



“But deary, why would I kill my old, dear friend. I’m just a nice old lady?”



“A nice old lady who happens to stumble across a corpse and a mystery everywhere she goes! Who always solves that mystery? Who is promoting a new crime book? How many murders have you committed Mrs. Meddler, only to pin the guilt on somebody else, then write it into another of your books? Also, you did not object to the use of fresh tuna in the salade nicoise – any right minded fan of seafood should know that an authentic salade nicoise should be made only with tinned tuna in oil, artichoke hearts should replace the potatoes and the whole should be served with a Dijon dressing! Detective Hurn, arrest this woman, and I suggest you inform the FBI that you have a potential serial killer on your hands.” Mrs Meddler sneered as Dave slapped the cuffs on her




“I would have got away with it too if it wasn’t for you meddling Chefs” she snarled and was led away.




It was maybe an hour later once Ramone and I could get away, with the thanks of Detective Hurn and the guests ringing in our ears, an invoice for my time signed off and an invitation to cater a launch party for Ms. Derriere’s new film ‘Snakes on a Dame 2: Trouser pythons!”. Ramone was very excited.



“Looks like it may rain at last Ramone” I said as we got onto our motorbike/ sidecar.
“Si signor”
“Then hurry home. It may be a long night if somebody else needs the special talents of Morton Zuckerman, Detective Chef!”




4th wall/ notes

An entry for the Mob rules contest, Group E, category – Morton Zuckerman, Detective Chef!

I can blame/ thank my wife Caroline for the long held belief that Jessica Fletcher, the dear old mystery writer played by Angela Lansbury on ‘Murder She wrote’ is actually responsible for every murder she solves while framing somebody else. I knew once I was going to do a murder mystery of sorts I had to bring that in.

Likewise, with a week to build, write, photograph and post this I knew I was going to have to employ my most powerful weapon – low-brow humour. Combining silly names with genuine food references and a need for some kind of story was fun.

Thanks to Dennis Price for this category, if I’m still in next round I want something this mad again please, and thanks To Shannon Young for running the contest.

The mob rules – grab your pitchfork!

Thanks for looking.





Comments

  October 21, 2010
Well built, well written, well presented... a clever, if goofy, story with great sets. I love it, and the mixture of silliness and sophisticated language is funny. "Quiet, the grown-ups are talking..." Hahaha! Great work.
 I like it 
  October 16, 2010
This was a great Clue-like story... with a mixture of food... a Delicious recipe for... Murder! 5/5 Excellent.
 I like it 
  August 19, 2010
Hahaha. Great story, love the character names too.
 I like it 
  June 3, 2010
This made my day.
 I like it 
  May 26, 2010
This is the 3rd time I get here, and still I can't find the right words...
 I made it 
  May 26, 2010
Quoting Shannon Young When you sell the movie rights to this masterpiece, Dennis and I better receive our cuts! I'm thinking 10% to Mr. Price for inventing the character, and 5% to me for inventing the contest that caused him to invent the character. But we can let the lawyers hash all that out.
Yeah, have your people call my people.
 I like it 
  May 26, 2010
Funny and an actually good story! :D great job, i never saw it coming that it was her
 I like it 
  May 26, 2010
Were you influenced much by Police Squad, The Naked Gun, Airplane, Top Secret, Mafia, and Hot Shots when you made this vignette?
 I like it 
  May 26, 2010
When you sell the movie rights to this masterpiece, Dennis and I better receive our cuts! I'm thinking 10% to Mr. Price for inventing the character, and 5% to me for inventing the contest that caused him to invent the character. But we can let the lawyers hash all that out.
 I made it 
  May 25, 2010
Quoting Hans Dendauw Hahaha, it was all tongue firmly in cheek. We actually have served the salad BOTH ways. What with all the 'foody' references, I saw the opportunity to make myself sound like a pretentious know it all. As for your culinary knowledge, you seem to be quite capable of holding your own in a conversation, more than I could say about your line of work!~H
Nah, I'm just greedy ;) Seriously, thanks for the kind comments, and as for my line of work I wouldn't bore you with it, whereas I would talk food all day. Mmmmm, food....
 I like it 
  May 25, 2010
Hahaha, it was all tongue firmly in cheek. We actually have served the salad BOTH ways. What with all the 'foody' references, I saw the opportunity to make myself sound like a pretentious know it all. As for your culinary knowledge, you seem to be quite capable of holding your own in a conversation, more than I could say about your line of work!~H
 I made it 
  May 25, 2010
Quoting Hans Dendauw No self-respecting Chef uses tinned tuna in oil for a Salad Nicoise. Lightly seared, thin sliced, fresh Ahi, salad of mixed greens and basil, dressed with extra-virgin olive oil, Meyer lemon, sea salt and freshly cracked pepper. Garnish with anchovies, pickled quail egg, tomato, julienne red pepper and shaved chippolini onions. Canned tuna is for sandwiches and Tuna Helper. At least that's how we do it in my restaurant...~H
Being a Chef yourself Hans I wondered if you'd bite (No pun intended for once) at this. Your version sounds delicious, no question, but every account I could find says that an 'authentic' Nicoise salad uses the (very good) tinned tuna, not fresh, but apparently different villages argue over the ingredients so there is some room for changes. Plus I needed an excuse to use the Duplo fish for a sight gag ;) I'm an engineer anyway, so my knowledge of food is probably as good as must people's knowledge of multi-louvre flow dampers in a flue-gas desulpherization plant. What do you mean gibberish? That techno-babble pays my bills!
 I like it 
  May 24, 2010
Wonderful story-telling + hilarious bits + suggestive names + well-buit MOC = AWESOME!
 I like it 
  May 24, 2010
Now this is a fine bit of work! Great sets, cool story and some very nice writing. Had me laughing all the way through!
 I like it 
  May 24, 2010
Now this is a fine bit of work! Great sets, cool story and some very nice writing. Had me laughing all the way through!
Delatron 3000
 I like it 
The Last Warrior (Kylo Malcovich)
  May 23, 2010
That sous chef reminded me of the small guy on the old show Fantasy Island, who always said "De Plane! De Plane!" This is a GREAT comic. A series this SHALL and NEEDS to be! Just amaizing work!
  May 23, 2010
lol!
 I like it 
  May 23, 2010
nice scooby doo reference at the end. great work!
 I like it 
  May 23, 2010
No self-respecting Chef uses tinned tuna in oil for a Salad Nicoise. Lightly seared, thin sliced, fresh Ahi, salad of mixed greens and basil, dressed with extra-virgin olive oil, Meyer lemon, sea salt and freshly cracked pepper. Garnish with anchovies, pickled quail egg, tomato, julienne red pepper and shaved chippolini onions. Canned tuna is for sandwiches and Tuna Helper. At least that's how we do it in my restaurant...~H
 I like it 
  May 23, 2010
Holy Schidtt, that, my friend, was low-brow humor at it's finest. The great characters, their names, the story and nice plot twist make this a winner in my book. Imagine what you could have pulled off if your kid had NOT gotten sick everywhere! Oh, fear not, this is just a taste of the categories to come. Have you seen the group of miscreants and deviants that Shannon has helping him run this mob?~H
 I like it 
  May 23, 2010
Love it,very good presentation and story!
 I like it 
  May 23, 2010
Love it,very good presentation and story!
 I like it 
  May 23, 2010
Holy Krap you have too much time! Haha seriously though this is really well done! Best of luck to you in your group!
 I like it 
  May 23, 2010
My only complaint is that I couldn't see the whole moc... wait, what was that Dennis? Oh, never mind, moving on. "A super-soaker filled with double cream, a rubber hood, a bag of pan scourers and the entire percussion section of the Austrian philharmonic orchestra." Have you been spying on Ocean with google earth again? STU! This moc was AWESOME! I'm so glad you didn't go with the old "the butler did it" ending (as much as I do love a good cliche'). Amazing overall work man! Story, build, presentation... THIS is how it's DONE! ~ Chris.
 I like it 
  May 23, 2010
Now THAT, ladies and gentleman, is how it's done! A great story packed with fun and excitement, some very nice builds (particularly that dining room) and a nice presentation. We didn't see anything we didn't need to see, even though someone is going to complain because you didn't see "the whole MOC." pffft -- this category is all about drawing us into a story. I love it! Ramone? Inspired!
 
By Delatron 3000
Add to my favorite builders

26
people like this. See who.

2,557 visitors
25 comments
Added May 23, 2010
 


LEGO models my own creation MOCpages toys shop Morton Zuckerman - Detective Chef!


You Your home page | LEGO creations | Favorite builders
Activity Activity | Comments | Creations
Explore Explore | Recent | Groups
MOCpages is an unofficial, fan-created website. LEGO® and the brick configuration are property of The LEGO Group, which does not sponsor, own, or endorse this site.
©2002-2014 Sean Kenney Design Inc | Privacy policy | Terms of use