very cool! and nice dialogue! good job

Thanks. I know you might get this a lot, but Im surprised a builder like you actually took interest in this :P Also, out of curiosity, did you read the prologue? There's not much to it, but it kind of sets up the background of the story.

Nice job on the dialog, and setting up some interest for the reader! I'll be curious to see where this goes.

i cant wait for a bit off actoin

Nice, good music and dialogue. I think that Tye (I hope I got that right!) is too trusting. Can't wait for the next one!

cool beginning can't wait till part two

totally awsome and i like that gun

sweet, I can't wait for part 2. -Matt Shack

I disagree. For this story, using a teller is a nice style. And the small parts of dialogue were made pretty well. I already got an idea of the both characters.

See? I said I would do that lol. It was only like that for the prologue since dreams rarely have memorable dialogue.

I forgot to add this, adding dialogue instead of describing what was going on made it MUCH better.

Brilliant! The music sets the scene perfectly, and the kind of mistrust that Jake has perfectly describes the society. Overall, a great start.

Nice chapter, the music went with it really well!