There are no cupcakes involved in the following text whatsoever. None. None at all. I promise you you won't find any.
About this creation
You know him; the guy who's just got home with the game, installed it and so far hasn't figured out the difference between throwing the grenade and reloading the pistol.
If you have any brains at all, you'll keep far, far away from him for the time being or we'll find out exactly what you've been using as a substitute all this time.
He may or may not have a proboscis full of mucous and he may or may not have a face like the moon, but one thing's for sure: he has no. idea. what. he's. doing.
And if you let him drive the truckload of veterans to the enemy flag, you're an idiot of the highest class.
Also, it'd be wise to use him as a decoy; put him somewhere convenient and tell him to make as much noise as possible; if you prefer, tell him to experiment with the controls by pressing each of them in turn.
Chances are, the bangs and booms and flashes and blasts of gunfire will attract any enemy flag-watchers towards him and the rest of you can nab the banner and begone before they get back.
It won't make you very popular with him later on, though.
Unless of course you make him feel like a hero by covering him with praise and thanks for doing the job no-one else was able to do...