An average day in the kitchen of Will Chapman's House of Pancakes.
About this creation
Will Chapman, owner and manager of Will Chapman's House of Pancakes is about to create his signature mini-pancakes, or as the menu calls them, "Fried Gold." Unfortunately, on this April Fools Day, some joker "misplaced" the pancake flour.
"Dang it, I need FLOUR!"
"Very funny, guys. Hmph, everyone's a comedian!"
As the scene opens, Will Chapman, owner and manager of Will Chapman's House of Pancakes is about to slice a pancake into eight, symmetrical, geometric figures, in order to complete his sculpture of "Badger, Slayer of Tiamat, Keeper of the Geometric Nucleus," for the President. This culinary marvel is the talk of France, where the locals are outraged that any American delicacy could outshine their own. Chef Chapman must not fail! With extreme precision he makes the first cut and steps back to admire it, when, to his horror, he sees that the pancake bears no traces of the attempt!
After many more fruitless endeavors trying to slice the unyielding pan-fried cake, Chef Chapman loses his temper and stabs the pancake with all his strength!
All the hapless chef succeeds in doing is chipping his plate and ruining the tip of his most expensive pancake knife! Fate seems to ill-favor this man today.
At last growing desperate, Mr.Chapman grabs one of his homemade BrickArms guns from the closet and draws on his target, intending to destroy the offending griddle-cake!
With a loud crack the bullet bounces off of the concrete-hard circle of cooked batter and creates a rather large hole in the far wall, inviting prying eyes to prey upon the Chapman Family Recipes. However, if any low-down thief were to steal a recipe today all he would get is a formula for indestructible breakfast food!
Disappointed yet undeterred in his quest, our hero pulls out his most fearsome and diabolical invention: The Bipod Broom! He then commences violent destruction of the pancake, that's the plan anyway.
After countless letdowns and many 1mm bristles discharged in the line of duty, the outraged cook quickly crafts an even deadlier weapon, the Heptapod Bat! With tireless energy the culinary specialist assaults the food specimen but to no avail. The once craved and lusted-after treat has found a cold spot in the frustrated chef's heart forever.
Having exhausted his once boundless energy in physical aggression towards the enemy snack, a perspiring Chef Chapman pulls out one of the family's secret recipes; the Java Junkie's Bane. This coveted formula has been handed down through the family since it was written by a famed alchemist in the 14th century. Many have sought it's invigorating powers, but failure has led to it's existence being regarded as a myth from times long past.
With revolting disregard for tradition or sanctity, the bone-weary man downs the potent beverage in one large gulp.
And this, kids, is why you should NEVER tamper with the warning label; someone could come along and do themselves an injury.
After some considerable time and more than a few seltzers our hero seems to have returned to normal. Outwardly at least; the grenade launcher in his hand seems to suggest otherwise. Stepping outside of the vignette, which should not be possible but doesn't concern our agitated antagonist, he prepares to blow away the irritating dish which has blotted out happiness from his life.
The resulting noise not only causes the President outside considerable worry about an attempt on his life, but temporarily renders Mr. Chapman senseless. After a minute or so has elapsed he walks over to where the table was. The destruction is shocking. The pancake still stands. Rage floods Mr. C's mind and a new thought process rears it's head; cold craftiness. There is more than one way to get a disc of fried flour batter to leave the planet!
Alien technology is, well, alien at best, but this does not concern Mr. Chapman as he looks for the 'vaporize' setting on the small device. Stepping away, he raises the weapon and fires, pouring every ounce of tormented emotion into this violent action. A thick cloud of green, acrid vapor envelopes the debris on the floor, settling on every protrusion and masking it from sight.
When the vapor dissipates, there is nothing to be seen but the pancake, cold, and still quite impenetrable, lying upon the linoleum.
Chef Chapman quickly demonstrates that he is not above pitching an all-out tantrum. There is only one option left to take, he dreads this action, but there is no other way. Sorrowfully, resignment heavy upon his shoulders, he walks out of the ruined kitchen and towards the dining room, where the President awaits his breakfast, longing to be told that his meal is ready. But Mr. Chapman has no such news for him, he slowly strides towards where the great man sits, and sprints down a side hall and picks up the phone!
"Joe's Construction and Demolitions, how may I help you, Mr. Chapman?"
If you so wish to view the sequel, by all means click here! ;) Episode II -->
Oh dear. Tell me this is not a reference to the famous Will Chapman of the great and ancient dynasty "Brickarms"! Tell me! (maniacal laughter ensues) Tell. Me. Now! (pulls out an AK-47) I will ki-*Gurk!* (suddenly,the madman falls back,choking and screaming/laughing)
*Hic*(Hiccuping?Hiccuping? Couldn't you think of any thing better than *Hic* H-H-Hicupping?) *Hic* *Hic*(maniac hics rapidly. Wait,is "hics" even a word?) *Hic* *Hic* *Hic* *Hic* *Hic* Madman:*Hic* Excush *Hic* me. *Hic* I sheem *Hic* to haff *Hic* The *Hic* Hiccupsh.*Hic*(Apparently,he had a WEE bit to much beer the day earlier) Well? Is it? Cuz I think it fits him perfectly! Just kidding. Quote from ***** *****(sorry I couldn't give you his name. He'd be locked up): You've got the squiggly thing! Everyone has the squiggly thing! But NOOO...not me! *growls* I hate the squiggly thing.