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The Critique Column
 Group admin 
As you all know, we here at the Advice group do our best to share what limited knowledge we have with you. We’ve seen a trend increasing of you guys asking us to give feedback on specific creations of yours and have decided to devote a thread to just that. So here we are, the first “critique” thread for the Advice group.

Simply add a link here to the moc you wish for us to critique. We’ll tell you the good, the bad and the “Oh my LORD! WHAT were you thinking?” of your post hahaha.

Anyone is free to respond and give advice of course, but if you do, play nice. First person to insult a builder will be banned from the group. (and yes, you can say what’s not right about a moc in your opinion, but there’s a difference between being truthful and helping and just being mean. We trust you to know the difference.)

We can’t promise that we’ll get to every moc within a certain time frame, but we WILL get to everyone as we can. And although there is no “limit” to how many mocs you can post here, please play well with others and give them a chance. Thanks.

Alrighty then. Fire away.

Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 5:15 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Jordan B.
Here you go...
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/227944


Ok, first one out of the box...

I really like that lamp post technique you used. Very nice. The bench was nicely done as well with the SNOT backing. A nice studless base overall that gave the moc a nice clean feeling and then the detailing on the back wall. All good!

As for the bad. Nothing really, it was a well put together moc with good, clear pics. The ONLY thing was the non-color pics were a bit distracting to me (personally). The technique is great of course so I'm looking forward to you using it in the future, just for this particular moc, I don't think it fit.

Other than that, nice work!
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 5:28 pm
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/225754
I personally think this is my best, do you agree?
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 6:01 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Brendan Dore
Thar be a ship headin' yer way, mateys!
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/207304


Let's start off with the good shall we? I gotta give ya props on all those angles you got going on there. It's not easy to have that many plates going in different directions and still have it "work." I also like the choppers. Sleek, black and mini. Nice.

The only issue I'm having with it is... I dunno... it just kinda looks "unfinished" to me. Something about this kind of ship just SCREAMS to be studless. Now I know that not everyone has the tile collection of myself or master Kelso, so it's not a "flaw" really (as there's nothing really "wrong" with it), just an observation.

The bridge design was also great BTW. Again with the angles... nice. Overall a great build with some nice features. Good job!
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 6:25 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting John Drake
Please ignore my bad camera ath the time that made the lighting stink

http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/179243


Cute.

Nice tile work on the floor. I don't know if you meant to do that or if you just don't have a lot of brown tiles, but it gave a nice contrast to the floor design that really popped for me.

My advice (and this pretty much goes for everyone here) would be to use the "large" option when loading pics. In the old days of mocpages (about a year ago) we didn't have the option to make the pics large and it was always a pain to have to click on every thumbnail to enlarge it. Now, we have the option to upload large pics instead. Sure, depending on your computer, it may take a couple extra seconds to upload, but be patient and do it. Sure we all live in the "NOW" generation, but sometimes we need to slow down and do things right. Here on MOCpages, doing things right means making the pics larger so that we can see them easier. (wow that was a lot of blah blah just to make a small point).

Overall, not a bad little vig. Gave me a chuckle.
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 6:32 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Drew the Skater
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/225754
I personally think this is my best, do you agree?


DUDE.. WOW! I am REALLY impressed with that! That thing's nicer than MY camera and I don't have a tripod! It was cool to start with, but then you went and showed the functionality of it (space for the battery and card) and it just made it SO much cooler! I don't know what the rules are to the contest but I can tell you that that thing had better win! Good luck!

The bad... yeah, I got nuthin.
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 6:37 pm
Could you critique this please?

http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/212451
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 6:54 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Sushi Rice
Could you critique this please?

http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/212451


You have some nice ideas here and by using these same techniques on larger builds, your stuff can only get better. The ship itslef has some nice SNOT work on it though I would have covered that last stud just to finish it off. Doesn't look BAD mind you, just how I would have gone. You've also done some nice work on making everything "float" in the air. Had to look twice to see where you attached the bomb dropping so good job there.

Not sure why you sloped back the back wall close to the ground there. It kind of breaks the eyeline a bit and distracts from the rest of it. I would have gone with a straight wall from top to bottom. If it had to do with using 1bys at the bottom then switching to 2bys as you went higher, just use the 2bys as the base to avoid the break in the line.

Lastly, I saw that you tried to use HTML in the intro part of the post. HTML won't work in the intro. I personally don't even use the intro anymore at all and just being my text in the main body of the post. HTML works there.

Not a bad vig overall. With those few minor adjustments you're well on your way!
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 7:31 pm
Well, I have an older creation that I'd like some feedback on.
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/143857
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 7:49 pm
Quoting Chris Phipson

You have some nice ideas here and by using these same techniques on larger builds, your stuff can only get better. The ship itslef has some nice SNOT work on it though I would have covered that last stud just to finish it off. Doesn't look BAD mind you, just how I would have gone. You've also done some nice work on making everything "float" in the air. Had to look twice to see where you attached the bomb dropping so good job there.

Not sure why you sloped back the back wall close to the ground there. It kind of breaks the eyeline a bit and distracts from the rest of it. I would have gone with a straight wall from top to bottom. If it had to do with using 1bys at the bottom then switching to 2bys as you went higher, just use the 2bys as the base to avoid the break in the line.

Lastly, I saw that you tried to use HTML in the intro part of the post. HTML won't work in the intro. I personally don't even use the intro anymore at all and just being my text in the main body of the post. HTML works there.

Not a bad vig overall. With those few minor adjustments you're well on your way!

Ah, I see what you mean with the wall. ;) But I don't know what bys is? The intro is fixed now, and thanks for all the tips!
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 7:59 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting John Dawn
Well, I have an older creation that I'd like some feedback on.
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/143857


You've come a long way since that, but it's still pretty darn cool! I like the play features like the opening missle bays.

I also like how "sturdy" it looks. Like it's meant to stomp around crushing infantry without wasting ammo. But that is also one of the problems with it. To me it looks a bit... boxy.

But don't get me wrong, it's still good. I think if you were to go back and revisit this a bit, maybe use your upgraded skills to round it out a bit more.

Overall, nice one and I think you should try a mech again REAL soon!
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 8:01 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Sushi Rice
Ah, I see what you mean with the wall. ;) But I don't know what bys is? The intro is fixed now, and thanks for all the tips!


1bys. As in 1by1 brick, 1by2 brick and so on. The other way to write it is 1x1, 1x2 but then I couldn't add the letter s to it to make it plural. Does that make sense?

Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 8:03 pm
Quoting Chris Phipson

You've come a long way since that, but it's still pretty darn cool! I like the play features like the opening missle bays.

I also like how "sturdy" it looks. Like it's meant to stomp around crushing infantry without wasting ammo. But that is also one of the problems with it. To me it looks a bit... boxy.

But don't get me wrong, it's still good. I think if you were to go back and revisit this a bit, maybe use your upgraded skills to round it out a bit more.

Overall, nice one and I think you should try a mech again REAL soon!

Thank you, I do feel like I've neglected Dawn Forge a bit, so I guess I know what I'm building once I get beat in the MOC Olympics this round.
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 8:04 pm
You've seen this before But I would like to know what can be improved. Answer here and not on the MOC. What did I do wrong? Tell me please.

Link: http://mocpages.com/moc.php/225475
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 8:10 pm
Oh, well, better add mine too... http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/228046
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 8:13 pm
Quoting Chris Phipson

1bys. As in 1by1 brick, 1by2 brick and so on. The other way to write it is 1x1, 1x2 but then I couldn't add the letter s to it to make it plural. Does that make sense?

Ahhh, yes, yes, I see.
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 8:19 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Green Man
You've seen this before But I would like to know what can be improved. Answer here and not on the MOC. What did I do wrong? Tell me please.

Link: http://mocpages.com/moc.php/225475


There's not a whole lot there, but I'll nitpick just to make you happy. haha

Ok, the lighting before they get in the elevator could be a little... crisper? It kind of looks a little dulled out like you used a desk lamp and forgot to take off the shade when taking the pics. A more direct and stronger light source could help there. (the lighting inside the elevator was PERFECT though).

Also, the doors to the elevator... yeah, shoulda been tiled. The studs distract from the rest of the studless build a bit.

Other than that, you know I love the story and the build was above average.

There... happy now? HAHAHA

Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 8:29 pm
Quoting Chris Phipson

There's not a whole lot there, but I'll nitpick just to make you happy. haha

Ok, the lighting before they get in the elevator could be a little... crisper? It kind of looks a little dulled out like you used a desk lamp and forgot to take off the shade when taking the pics. A more direct and stronger light source could help there. (the lighting inside the elevator was PERFECT though).

Also, the doors to the elevator... yeah, shoulda been tiled. The studs distract from the rest of the studless build a bit.

Other than that, you know I love the story and the build was above average.

There... happy now? HAHAHA

Yes. I used a really small $4 maglite and took off the cap and popped it right in the space there in the elevator. That's my secret. XD Also, my camera causes the pics to come out.... yellow. I use a regular desk lamp, but no matter what I do, it only takes yellow pics. Unless it's under random circumstances I'm unaware of. The main pic is crisp and it isn't yellow. My camera's screen says it's not yellow, until I focus. Then it seems to adjust to the light the wrong way and it turns yellow! My camera's jacked I wish to have a new one..
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 8:42 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Swift ~
Oh, well, better add mine too... http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/228046


Presentation first. That first pic you did was AWESOME! I love the angle. Very menacing looking. Problem is, from there it went down a bit. All the following pics seemed... what's the word I'm looking for here?... boring by comparison. Your first pic promised action! Then it was like... "meh" after that. Try to make all the pics as exciting as that first one cause there you scored!

The build. Not bad, but could use some more "umph" in a few places. I really liked the SNOT work on the top (and the concept of how it's piloted reminded me of Robotjox so nice one there). Then as we went lower... as with the pics, it kinda went down. Not bad mind you, just lower quality as we decended. I do like how you tried to cover the legs to make them a bit smoother. Maybe bulking them up a bit more even would have added to this.

You said that the base was a vig, and it's not. This is just a technicality on word usage but it's good to learn these things. A vig is small (usually no bigger than 8x8 studs) whereas what you have there would be almost diorama size. Again, just technical stuff.

Overall, you've got a good start here. Just a few minor adjustments and you'll be well on your way!
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 8:48 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Green Man
Also, my camera causes the pics to come out.... yellow. I use a regular desk lamp, but no matter what I do, it only takes yellow pics. Unless it's under random circumstances I'm unaware of. The main pic is crisp and it isn't yellow. My camera's screen says it's not yellow, until I focus. Then it seems to adjust to the light the wrong way and it turns yellow! My camera's jacked I wish to have a new one..


My camera does the same thing. It's not the camera, it's the lighting. I'd suggest heading to the local hardware store (home depot or something) and picking up a clip on light http://www.homedepot.com/Lighting-Fans-Work-Lights/h_d1/N-5yc1vZ1xggZaqn9/R-100354517/h_d2/ProductDisplay?langId=-1&storeId=10051&catalogId=10053 like this. It'll really help. Good luck!

Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 8:56 pm
Quoting Chris Phipson

DUDE.. WOW! I am REALLY impressed with that! That thing's nicer than MY camera and I don't have a tripod! It was cool to start with, but then you went and showed the functionality of it (space for the battery and card) and it just made it SO much cooler! I don't know what the rules are to the contest but I can tell you that that thing had better win! Good luck!

The bad... yeah, I got nuthin.

Thanks! And yes, I did win the round.
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 9:06 pm
Oh wait... are you guys really asking Chris for feedback?
Freaking Chris "low-res" Phipson?!
Wow...
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 9:16 pm
Quoting Yuri Fassio
Oh wait... are you guys really asking Chris for feedback?
Freaking Chris "low-res" Phipson?!
Wow...

Actually anyone is allowed to critique, if you read the top comment you'd know. :P
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 9:20 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Fruity Toucan
Here is mine!
http://mocpages.com/moc.php/227740


Nice design on the stairs there. Not a whole lot "wrong" with this moc to point out. If I HAD to nitpick, I'd ask why you used jumper plates under the stairs? I'm going to assume you didn't have enough flat tiles to polish it out. The other thing would be that one connection in the back that doesn't sit evenly. I woulda tried to push that together more.

Overall, the stairs are what really do it here (duh Chris, that's the focal point of the moc). Nice work!
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 9:36 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Nicks Bricks

Or i suggest taking pictures in the morning, that helps out alot as well, let lots of light in, and use a bright background as well.


Or take them outside on a nice day like I did with most of my Carrith Knorr series.
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 9:38 pm
Just when Phipson thought he had a break...
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/228090
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 9:43 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Nicks Bricks

were those really outside?


Yeap, you can really tell in the Wizard's Aid ones the most as the sunlight shines through the trees nicely giving a "real world" feel to the whole thing.
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 9:43 pm
Quoting Nicks Bricks

Ahh... you guys punish the man, i mean give hima ten minute snack break at least...

Yeah... I guess for all the hard work he's been doing for us, he at least deserves a doughnut and coffee break.

Or not. But you know, either way.
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 9:48 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Cade :D
Just when Phipson thought he had a break...
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/228090


You've got a good setup to a story there. I won't go into too much detail as I can see it's "part 1" so I assume more will be revealed in the following issues.

The lighting in the first shot was good, but using that same technique in the following shots was kind of distracting. I know you're going for "mood lighting" there to set the tone, but it didn't really come off the same in the second two pics.

Also, in the final pic, having the wall cut off and being able to see "outside" the moc was distracting to the overall feel of "fear" you were trying to pull off. By pulling your reader "in" to a story with a good setup like that and then allow them to see behind the curtain as it were, allows the reader to remember that it's "not real" (yes, I know it's Lego... work with me here) and the sense of foreboding and dread is lessened considerably. Try to be careful of outside clutter interfering with the rest of the presentation.

Hope that helps and good luck!
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 9:51 pm
Quoting Nicks Bricks

just because hes a cop doesn't mean that he wants a doughnut...

....


What about coffee?
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 9:51 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Cade :D
....


What about coffee?


Actually, I'm more of a soda man myself. Drinking pepsi right now (I prefer Coke or Mt. Dew, but pepsi was on sale). As for donuts... haven't had one in... man, has to be at least a year. Maybe more.
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 9:54 pm
I need opinions on what I should improve.
http://mocpages.com/moc.php/226827
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 11:15 pm
Quoting Chris Phipson

As for donuts... haven't had one in... man, has to be at least a year. Maybe more.

You poor, poor deprived man!

Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 11:23 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Eric Mickle
I need opinions on what I should improve.
http://mocpages.com/moc.php/226827


Horray for custom figs without sharpies! Ok, jokes aside, here's what I got...

I really like some of the backbacks and heavy artillery you got going here. You've put some nice work into this as far as making "custom figs" without making them "Cuztum figz" if you catch my drift.

Now, how could you make them better? Simple. Don't post them as their own moc. Build a dio or scene with them and use them in there. It's an unfair reputation that I have that people think I don't like new ways of doing figs. what I don't like is sifting through thousands of "that's all it is" to find a few that I like.

Now, had you built a dropship landing zone or maybe a battle with these guys in action, then it would kick it up from "hey, nice figs. Thanks for not painting them." to "Wow, great scene you built here, and the custom work on the figs really makes this unique!"

You see where I'm going here I hope. Good luck!
Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 11:32 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Phazezorz .
Good to know people are doing my job for me.

...too bad you all stink at it :P

Oh, and for those more... 'dense' than others, I was joking.


Well, we can't all have your wonderful interpersonal skills now can we ;) haha

Permalink
| September 26, 2010, 11:44 pm
Quoting Chris Phipson
As for donuts... haven't had one in... man, has to be at least a year. Maybe more.


Is that possible!? I thought cops were paid with donuts! :O
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 4:39 am
http://mocpages.com/moc.php/167272

Let me have it!
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 12:18 pm
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/215526
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/173571
I dont give a Phip what you think,but look at it anyway.
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 4:26 pm
Quoting Chris Phipson

Horray for custom figs without sharpies! Ok, jokes aside, here's what I got...

I really like some of the backbacks and heavy artillery you got going here. You've put some nice work into this as far as making "custom figs" without making them "Cuztum figz" if you catch my drift.

Now, how could you make them better? Simple. Don't post them as their own moc. Build a dio or scene with them and use them in there. It's an unfair reputation that I have that people think I don't like new ways of doing figs. what I don't like is sifting through thousands of "that's all it is" to find a few that I like.

Now, had you built a dropship landing zone or maybe a battle with these guys in action, then it would kick it up from "hey, nice figs. Thanks for not painting them." to "Wow, great scene you built here, and the custom work on the figs really makes this unique!"

You see where I'm going here I hope. Good luck!

Ya, I was thinking of doing all of them in their own separate scene within the MOC to explain what they do. I am working on something now that works for the sniper.
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 4:45 pm
I wanted the architexture to look futuristic, did I succeed? http://mocpages.com/moc.php/228200
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 5:18 pm
Just a little something I tried out.

http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/227744
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 8:18 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Lt. John Harland
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/207332
Whew.


We'll overlook the megablocks issue for now shall we? hahaha ok, moving on...

I'm not sure how large your collection is, but I really think you could have made this bigger. Your first step into the realm of SNOT wasn't bad. Wish you could have covered those studs on the wall a bit better but as I've said before, not everyone has 15,000 tiles.

The door wasn't bad, but I would have liked to have seen it able to open and close. Play features always bump a moc up a notch or two.

Concept, not bad. A little brutal burning people alive in the vaccuum of space but hey, whatever pays the bills right?

In future, just try to take what concept you have and when you think you're good, take it a step further. Then, when you've done that... go another two steps further and you should be ok.

Good luck!
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 10:22 pm
Quoting Chris Phipson

I'm not sure how large your collection is, but I really think you could have made this bigger.

Well sir to give you an idea you are loooking at my entire collection of light grey bricks. That and I can never have more than one moc built at a time because of all the parts they use.
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 10:45 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting ODST serial 142-761
http://mocpages.com/moc.php/167272

Let me have it!


Man black is hard to take decent pics of isn't it?

You got yourself a very decent ship here young padawan! The studless design really came together nicely. I'm not a HALO fan so I'm not familiar with the original, but this design is very good!

My advice is going to go more on presentation here. Now, we know that black is just... not an easy color to shoot, so we won't go there. Not your fault. But that aside, I'd suggest going to your local Walgreens or something like that and picking up some foam core board. It's sturdy and creates a nice clean background to take pics with. I suggest picking up about 6 pieces of each color you choose (white and black are best to start with). This is what I used for my Hoth dio I just posted and I was really pleased with how the black background complimented the white moc (obviously for this build, you would go with ANY color other than black).

Having a clean background bumps up the professional look of any moc. While the hanging picture in the background of your dinning room is nice, it doesn't compliment the ship much. Bringing your audience in to the "world" of the build is as important as the build itself.

Good luck!
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 11:06 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Brendan Dore
Wacky inflatable arm flailing tube men! Wacky inflatable arm flailing tube men! Wacky inflatable arm flailing tube men! Ahem... err, here you go: http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/199826


Not every moc HAS to be studless, but this one (like one I reviewed yesterday) just SCREAMS for it to me.

As for the build, not bad at all. You incoorporated some SNOT work into the top portion so that's good and I liked the "ladders" down the side. One thing I would have done is to try to close up those holes in the tred well. Being able to see through it kinda messes up the "illusion" of realism.

EDIT: Grey technic half pins would work great for this.

Other than that, not bad at all. Oh, I'd also suggest picking up the foam core board I talked about in an earlier review as well. Presentation is THE key around here... after the build of course. hahaha

Good luck!
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 11:16 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Eric Mickle
I wanted the architexture to look futuristic, did I succeed? http://mocpages.com/moc.php/228200


You got one already. You don't get to go again until I open the second critique thread. To the back of the line with you! HAHAHAHA
(just post it again when I open a new thread... should be in the next day or two)
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 11:18 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Caboose :D
Just some little vig I made.
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/225917
Nothing good.


You've been doing this for a year now and you're turning 18 soon (god help us all) so I'm going to hold you to a higher standard here.

"Follow the path or Origin?" Someone's been watching too much Stargate... hehehe (LOVE that show BTW)

The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to slow down. Let's put it this way. Had this post been part of a dio, maybe we could let it go, but as it is it's just... leaves me wanting. You're better than this man. Posting little things like this is fine, I've done it from time to time, but when it's small, it needs to have more impact. Maybe some foliage, a tree or two, or even use this size moc to start practicing your rock work. Instead of a couple of brown slopes maybe you could have studied some of Kelso or Eggy's rock work and tried a few new techniques.

You're joining the ranks of the AFOLs soon young man and you're going to have to step up your game. I've seen your stuff so I KNOW you have it in you, it's just a question of bringing it out.

Here's what I'd like you to do. I want you to build me a moc. I want it to be at least 16x16. I want rockwork, trees, maybe a stream running through it. Use these same figs with the same fire technique (I DID like that part) and show me what I KNOW you can do.

Take your time. When you're done with it I want you to let it sit for a day or so. Think about what changes you can make that will make it better. What doesn't look quite right? Where could you add or take away something that will make it more realistic? After you sit on it, make your changes and post it. Then come on back here and link me and we'll see just how much you've improved when you've taken your time.

I'm REALLY looking forward to it. Make me proud.
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 11:28 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Joe P.
Just a little something I tried out.

http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/227744


Clean build and clean pics. Good. The bullet tearing through the guy at the end, priceless. Not sure why it had to be an extra three bricks high though? It would have looked better had it been just a single brick height on the base. Unless you were going for a more "mountainy" feel to it. In which case, I would have used some white (and bley for rocks poking through) slopes to angle it out a bit.

Also, and I see this ALL the time... the text. I find it really annoying when I have to read through 4 or 5 pics before I can figure out if the text is above or below the pics. The good news is there's an easy fix to this. Put a couple of spaces in between the pics during upload. That way the pic and the text that belongs with it are completly isolated from the next one. Sure, you could just put at the top "text is below pics" but by spacing it out it's like adding a period to the end of the sentence. It says to the reader "this was this part, now we're moving on to the next one."

Overall a decent post with good pics and presentation. Not bad at all.
Permalink
| September 27, 2010, 11:35 pm
Quoting Chris Phipson

You got one already. You don't get to go again until I open the second critique thread. To the back of the line with you! HAHAHAHA
(just post it again when I open a new thread... should be in the next day or two)

Oh, sorry about that I didnt know.
Permalink
| September 28, 2010, 6:33 am
Quoting Chris Phipson
As you all know, we here at the Advice group do our best to share what limited knowledge we have with you. We’ve seen a trend increasing of you guys asking us to give feedback on specific creations of yours and have decided to devote a thread to just that. So here we are, the first “critique” thread for the Advice group.

Simply add a link here to the moc you wish for us to critique. We’ll tell you the good, the bad and the “Oh my LORD! WHAT were you thinking?” of your post hahaha.

Anyone is free to respond and give advice of course, but if you do, play nice. First person to insult a builder will be banned from the group. (and yes, you can say what’s not right about a moc in your opinion, but there’s a difference between being truthful and helping and just being mean. We trust you to know the difference.)

We can’t promise that we’ll get to every moc within a certain time frame, but we WILL get to everyone as we can. And although there is no “limit” to how many mocs you can post here, please play well with others and give them a chance. Thanks.

Alrighty then. Fire away.
http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/228349
Permalink
| September 29, 2010, 4:49 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Caboose :D
Here you go: http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/228316



Okay, here we go.

First, I'm pretty sure I said to sit on it for a day and then go back and make changes before posting it... but we won't get into that now shall we? (ie: LISTEN to advice young man)

There was the little matter of language. That language IS allowed however you should have given it the PG filter. Don't worry, I took care of that for you.

Now, the build itself is about... oh... 200% better than the first one (imagine how much better it would have been had you practiced patience).

Now, how could you have made it even BETTER using just those bricks that you used there? Making it a bit smaller (not much, just a couple studs) and gone SNOT. Simply but basically putting that build "on it's side" you could have upped the proffesional look ten fold.

Now, this isn't saying that what you did was bad, so don't think I'm bashing you, I'm just trying to get you to see the potential you have here.

Ok, you're doing well so far. You added the river/stream, you added some foliage and you worked some rock stuff into it. Now, next challenge... Take the brick that you used on that creation and recycle it. Get rid of the plate and let's work on your SNOT work.

Gather those grey and bley slopes and instead of having 5 or 6 different rock formations of only one brick/element each, build one or two with those same elements (feel free to add of course, this isn't like contest rules or anything). I know you have a fair amount of blue brick from that MOC you did not too long ago about star fox, so use that SNOTed for the stream. I know you don't have an extensive collection like some of us, so don't worry too much about size this time (still go as big as you can though).

Now, when you're done with it... DON'T DO ANYTHING. Set it aside and go outside and absorb some vitamin D. Unplug a bit and actually LOOK at nature and how it works. Then go back (the next day) and see where you can make small adjustments to make the build better. Seriously... I don't want to see this till at LEAST Saturday.

As a point of comparison, let's look at my Hoth build. I built the first version on the first day. It was actually about 1/3 the size it ended up at length wise but was about 6 inches wider. Basically, it was short and fat. I let it sit for a day and went back to it after sleeping on it, tore the ENTIRE thing down and started from scratch 'cause I KNEW I could do it better after thinking about it.

This is your first REAL Lego lesson and it's this... patience.

Alright, go try again and let me know when you're done. Good luck!
Permalink
| September 29, 2010, 10:40 pm
 Group admin 


Not bad Glenn. It's a small moc so this won't be too long of a critique.

The overall design is pretty straightforward. There's not a whole lot you can really do on something like this to take it further. Now that being said, you actually found a way to do it! I gotta give props on the camo one. That looked pretty darn good. The one part of the build that stood out to me was how you attached the wheels to the main gun with "droid arm" pieces. Nice parts usage there.

Again, this next part is a "part count" issue but I can totally see three or four of these on a small dio. Maybe figure out a way to make a few explosions with smoke rising up and some fallen trees to give the feel of battle. This one was good, now take the first step into a larger world (yes, that was a Star Wars reference).

Good luck!
Permalink
| September 29, 2010, 11:05 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Caboose :D
I mostly have orignal style bricks. What I used was all of my green and my brown and half of my grey. (I have old LEGO, and nature colors are very few with me) What can I do with red, blue, yellow, white, or black?


Remember Leda's waterfall entry for the Olympics? Who says landscapes have to be on Earth...? Think outside the box young padawan... think outside the box.
Permalink
| September 29, 2010, 11:10 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Eric Mickle
I wanted the architexture to look futuristic, did I succeed? http://mocpages.com/moc.php/228200


Alright, I caved... here ya go.

Presentation. Nice clear, crisp pics. In focus and we can see all the little details, so good job there. But... man, carpet just KILLS a presentation. Not sure what kind of other flooring you have in your house but please lord, don't do anymore pics (unless they're just wips) on the carpet. My advice (as I stated above a couple times) is to just grab a few pieces of foam core board from Walgreens. I think they're around 5 bucks a piece so it's a small investment to bring your presentation up a lot!

Build. The larger gun was really nice. You put a lot of detail into a small(er) package. The removable pack on the back was a standout for me.

The other two guns were nice. Nothing special, but nothing bad with them either. I would have started the presentation with those first though instead of the large one. Don't want to go showing your best part first. There's a reason the saying goes "save the best for last."

The background. I know what you were going for, but being completely honest here, when I first looked at it it looked a little... I dunno... jumbled. After looking at it as I was reading, I was able to pick out what shapes you were going for on the background, but at first glance, there wasn't any real "line" and my eye was drawn all over the build at once. Very distracting. Once I got my vision sorted though I saw what you were trying to do and things came into focus. Perhaps next time, try not to be so busy in the background when you want your focus on the front.

Overall not bad. Just a couple little things that when fixed, could really bring your stuff up very quickly to a whole new level. Good luck!
Permalink
| September 29, 2010, 11:29 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Phazezorz .
Actually, I use posterboard, you can get it at Michael's for about... $.79, I think. And all you need is one sheet, unless you want more than one color.


Agreed, poster board does work well. I used it myself for quite a while. The problem I found was in trying to get the stuff to stand up. Now, this all depends on where and how you photograph your mocs, but just in my personal experience, the foam board works better.

Nothing "wrong" with poster board of course and I do suggest that everyone try different things to find what works best for them. I'm just giving my opinion after some trial and error of my own.

But listen to him kids, his idea MAY work better for you. Thanks Phaze!
Permalink
| September 29, 2010, 11:35 pm
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