Quoting Mike Johnson
Parrington here is the first chapter of my story for G.A.I.A. I decided to post it here and let the cards fall where they may. let me know what you think. Be fore warned, this will be a long read! At some point I may attempt a diorama for this but for now I'll go with the story.
S.K.A.R.S. (Suicide Kings Atrocity Retribution Stratagem) PROJECT
The S.K.A.R.S. project is a stratagem developed by the Secret Intelligence Division (S.I.D.) of G.A.I.A. to eliminate the Dragonne hordes. S.K.A.R.S. agents however utilize methods that fall outside the conventional capabilities of standard military doctrines. Volunteers are taken to secret military facilities where they are both physically augmented and specially trained in using highly lethal techniques necessary to complete their objectives. In short, members of this organization work outside of the law. They function under the guise as mercenaries who are secretly directed by S.I.D. Their credo, “the ends justify the means” never applied more anywhere than it does here. The following narrative chronicles the exploits of one of S.K.A.R.S. prospects.
Chapter 1. The Death of Innocence.
Kurzdan Dalkeinus was living a humble life in the colony world of Gormalain III. The colony consisted of 3,582 people. They were mostly farmers and technicians led by a small group of scientists in the growing of food crops in low water and nutrient deficient soils. Since the colony was relatively peaceful, a strong military presence wasn’t necessary and only a small security detail had been assigned to the colony. That was until the Dragonne arrived. They swarmed the colony like a plague of locusts. The security detail was quickly overwhelmed and then the Dragonne laid waste to the helpless colonists.
Surviving the initial onslaught Kurzdan, his wife Aimilie and their children Selia and Jesse where attempting to make their way to an escape shuttle. However during their flight to survive a myriad of explosions brought the surrounding buildings down around them. Aimilie and children weren’t seriously injured but Kurzdan was pinned by the debris. They tried to free him but the crushing weight across his spine was simply too much to lift. Kurzdan begged his family to flee while they can but it was already too late. Their position had been surrounded by the Dragonne. The soulless reptilian beasts were about to descend upon their prey until a sharp hiss rang out from behind where Kurzdan lay. A towering Dragonne warrior emerged from the shadows as the others drew back. A diamond hard talon clamped down on Kurzdan sending waves of pain through his broken body as the warrior literally tore him straight out of the rubble. Kurzdan dangled like a rag doll in the warrior’s clutches as it held him up to its face. In a vile half reptilian/half human dialect it spoke “Are they yours?” “Le…let them be, please!” Kurzdan stammered through the searing pain. A grimace stretched across its horrific maw. “Good now watch,” the Dragonne hissed back. It dropped him like a sack of refuse and began to stalk his family. Aimilie ushered the children behind her before lunging for a broken piece of pipe on the ground. She swung with all her might but the creature blocked it with a forearm. The recoil knocked her off balance as the pipe went flying out of her hands. The Dragonne retaliated with blinding speed. A single blow to the side of her head sent her flying through the air. She crashed against the wall, landing in a crumpled, lifeless heap. The children screamed for their mother as Kurzdan choked out a guttural “Nooooo!” Jesse screamed with rage as he leapt at the Dragonne and caught it around the leg. The alien murderer looked down at the pitiful attempt to thwart its sport. It lifted its leg with Jesse still hanging on and with a flick the Dragonne was pressing its clawed foot down across the boy’s throat. Jesse’s vertebrae began to snap like dry twigs under the pressure while the claws shredded the flesh with ease. With one final horrific squish, his head popped off the way a champagne cork does when loosened. Kurzdan’s limbs would not respond. He could only lie there helplessly as the scene of carnage played out before him. Selia was sobbing hysterically as she held her mother’s body. She looked up to see the specter of death looming above her. It rained down blow after calculated blow; shattering one arm, then a leg, then the other arm and finally the last leg. Selia’s whimpering voice spurted out a mutilated “Pa…pa,” as it stopped its assault. The Dragonne turned to look at Kurzdan before spotting the pipe that was wielded as a weapon only moments before. It picked up the pipe and went back to Selia. Kurzdan could no longer speak. Only an incoherent stammering poured from his trembling lips. The Dragonne hurled the pipe like a spear through Selia’s back. It came bursting through her abdomen, turning her into a human shish kabob. The creature took a step back to survey the whole scene and revel in its handiwork. It then ordered its underlings to take away the bodies. The Dragonne turned back to Kurzdan and sauntered up to him. “If you live, come for me, if you dare. I am Vlorgith Ssvnaku Dragonne.” It turned its back to him before saying, “Your screams are my music.” Kurzdan screamed but nothing came out. Then everything turned to black. Kurzdan’s near lifeless body was discovered by other survivors nearly three days later. Of the 3,582 colonists, only 47 people, including Kurzdan left that slaughter alive.
Hehe, freakin awesome MIke. It started a tad plain, (Don't take that too harshly please) but you basically had to try a prologue in a shortstory so that's to be expected. But as a short story, you went on very well to deliver a clever cruel twist. Your description and analogies were really fun. The sheer cruelty of the antagonist Draggonne was entertainingly extreme, you actually reminded me of a my author mates style. (Though he has only published once, though that puts him one inf ront of me, but writing is a tough game in Australia, it's more who you know than what here, more so than anywhere in art...)
BUt anyway, great job, some really good writing in there, entertaining, and brings to light the nature of the Draggonne beast. I still can't believe how Kurzdan had to watch his poor family die!
If I may observe, and I might be saying something you already know, you might have added some lines from the other charcters and their thoughts as they were about to die and thus doubled this piece of writing, but, I think it works just as well like this, especially given the almost short-story structure of it. If it was to be a prologue or chapter, I would probably expand...
That all said, it's obvious to me you can write, and I'm sure you have some excellent examples lying around.
Permalink | June 12, 2010, 9:32 pm
