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Jokes and Puns
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 Group admin 
If you know any good jokes or puns share them here! I have one:

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Permalink
| May 17, 2013, 11:40 am
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Here's a punny vig: http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/321283
Permalink
| May 17, 2013, 12:36 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting SuperSpy X
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Here's a punny vig: http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/321283

Nice vig!
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
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| May 17, 2013, 1:12 pm
 Group moderator 
So this guy and a giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe passes out and falls to the floor. The bartender looks at the guy and asks, "What's that lyin' there?" The guy replies back saying, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
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| May 17, 2013, 1:15 pm
 Group admin 
When William joined the army, he disliked the phrase, "Fire at will"

Broken pencils: they're pointless.
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| May 17, 2013, 1:53 pm
 Group admin 
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
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| May 17, 2013, 2:05 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Tristan Davis
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Nice haha! Wow, I love puns :) 7 days without a pun makes one weak.

I found 20 puns on the internet. I sent all of them to a friend to make him laugh. No pun in ten did.

(if you don't get this, read it aloud. You'll get it then :D)
Permalink
| May 17, 2013, 2:06 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Mastermind ¿?
Nice haha! Wow, I love puns :) 7 days without a pun makes one weak.

I found 20 puns on the internet. I sent all of them to a friend to make him laugh. No pun in ten did.

(if you don't get this, read it aloud. You'll get it then :D)

Wow! Pun-related puns. I like 'em.

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.
Permalink
| May 17, 2013, 2:15 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Tristan Davis
Wow! Pun-related puns. I like 'em.

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

LOL Tristan! But again, everything is the governments fault :)

What is the biggest lie in the universe? "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service."
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| May 17, 2013, 10:04 pm
 Group admin 
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right
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| May 20, 2013, 12:37 pm
Here is a pun that unfortunately came true: The uploader is down.
~ McLegofreak
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| May 20, 2013, 4:11 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting ~ McLegofreak
Here is a pun that unfortunately came true: The uploader is down.
~ McLegofreak

Haha, I like that one!

“What do you call a line of rabbits walking backward? A receding hare line.”

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Err...so how do you drive this thing?”

Permalink
| May 20, 2013, 4:17 pm
 Group moderator 
Two ducks walk into a bar; the third just did what was natural.
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| May 20, 2013, 8:25 pm
What was the boy with no arms or legs named?


Mat.
Permalink
| May 20, 2013, 8:35 pm
 Group moderator 
Quoting Mastermind ¿?
When William joined the army, he disliked the phrase, "Fire at will"

Broken pencils: they're pointless.

LMFBO! (laughing my freakin butt off)
Permalink
| May 21, 2013, 7:41 am
 Group moderator 
Quoting Tristan Davis
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right

OH MY GOD! that is not funny.



IT'S HILARIOUS!
Permalink
| May 21, 2013, 7:42 am
 Group admin 
Quoting Nik Brusk
OH MY GOD! that is not funny.



IT'S HILARIOUS!

Haha, that statement was hilarious itself :D

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Permalink
| May 21, 2013, 4:07 pm
A seal walks into a club.
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| May 21, 2013, 7:04 pm
How many obese people do you have to take to the cinema before you can say "I took tonnes of people with me"?

:P :P :P
Permalink
| May 21, 2013, 7:34 pm
 Group moderator 
Quoting JWG 258
A seal walks into a club.

Was it a baby seal?
Permalink
| May 22, 2013, 11:20 am
The optician fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
Permalink
| May 22, 2013, 5:29 pm
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies," For you, no Charge."


If you understand physical Science, you'll get it.
Permalink
| May 22, 2013, 8:30 pm
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks..
Permalink
| May 22, 2013, 8:32 pm
three guys walk into a bar you would have thought the third one would have seen it
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| May 23, 2013, 4:39 pm
a man walks into a bar and orders 12 shots, and starts drinking as fast a he can. The bartender says what's wrong. The guy replies, you'd be drinking fast is you had what I had. The bartender said what do you have, and the man said 2 dollars.
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| May 23, 2013, 4:47 pm
an infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first orders a drink. The second orders half a drink. the third orders one fourth of a drink, the fifth orders one fifth of a drink, and so on. The bartender says "you guys are ridiculous" and pours two drinks.
Permalink
| May 23, 2013, 5:21 pm
why did the coyote cross the road?... to catch the roadrunner!
Permalink
| May 23, 2013, 5:47 pm
 Group moderator 
Quoting JWG 258
an infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first orders a drink. The second orders half a drink. the third orders one fourth of a drink, the fifth orders one fifth of a drink, and so on. The bartender says "you guys are ridiculous" and pours two drinks.

You forgot the last little bit!
"You Mathematicians just don't know your limits."
Permalink
| May 24, 2013, 5:36 am
 Group moderator 
Quoting JWG 258
an infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first orders a drink. The second orders half a drink. the third orders one fourth of a drink, the fifth orders one fifth of a drink, and so on. The bartender says "you guys are ridiculous" and pours two drinks.

You forgot the last little bit!
"You Mathematicians just don't know your limits."
Permalink
| May 24, 2013, 5:37 am
 Group moderator 
OK, so a worm got cut , and one of the part of the worm said 'wow! ive never seen myself like this!' and one dude said 'yeah, u don't know the half of it!'
Permalink
| May 24, 2013, 6:22 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Nik Brusk
OK, so a worm got cut , and one of the part of the worm said 'wow! ive never seen myself like this!' and one dude said 'yeah, u don't know the half of it!'

Good one :D


A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."
The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"
The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Permalink
| May 24, 2013, 9:38 pm
 Group moderator 
huh? OHH!! LOL! i get it!
Permalink
| May 25, 2013, 8:07 am
Pun:

A foreign man is crossing the border to another country to get to his friend's house. He comes across the border guard. "Halt! What is your name?" the guard shouts. "Zimmer!" The man says back. "What is that with you?" the guard asks. "Moss killer for my friend, who lives in your country. He needs help gardening!" Zimmer replies. "Permission denied! I'm sorry, you are not allowed to enter this country." The guard says. Zimmer shrugs and replies: "Oh, I guess you're right. I AM carrying a weapon of moss destruction."
Permalink
| May 25, 2013, 8:15 am
two fish are in a tank. one asks the other, "Hey buddy, do you know how to drive this thing?"
Permalink
| May 25, 2013, 8:54 am
Why do horses never become congressmen?

Because they say NAY to everything!
Permalink
| May 25, 2013, 12:41 pm
Quoting Barrett K.
Why do horses never become congressmen?

Because they say NAY to everything!
ohhh! now I get it!

Permalink
| May 25, 2013, 12:51 pm
Quoting Barrett K.
Why do horses never become congressmen?

Because they say NAY to everything!

Ron Paul said nay to everything.
Permalink
| May 25, 2013, 1:42 pm
 Group moderator 
Alright guys, ive got a good one, there is a dude in front of a large fish. is that an octopus? no, its a balloon with many strings! is that an octopus? no! it's a bunch of snakes sucking on a watermelon. is that an octopus? gee, i don't know! i haven't ch- gaaahhhh!!!
Permalink
| May 25, 2013, 3:38 pm
Quoting JWG 258
Ron Paul said nay to everything.

He must be a horse! *Gasp!!*

Just kidding. ;)
Permalink
| May 25, 2013, 3:45 pm
The doctor asks the nurse:
- How is the patient with the toy horses in his stomach?
The nurse replies:
-He is stable.
Permalink
| May 25, 2013, 4:08 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting Matthew Sylvan
The doctor asks the nurse:
- How is the patient with the toy horses in his stomach?
The nurse replies:
-He is stable.

LoL, good one! All these horse-based jokes :D

There once was a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Permalink
| May 25, 2013, 5:09 pm
 Group moderator 
Quoting Mastermind ¿?
LoL, good one! All these horse-based jokes :D

There once was a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

XD
Permalink
| May 26, 2013, 6:22 am
Quoting JWG 258
Ron Paul said nay to everything.
yeah, you're right about that!
Permalink
| May 26, 2013, 8:09 am
A cowboy got lost. He yelled for help until he became horse.
Permalink
| May 26, 2013, 8:17 am
Quoting SuperSpy X
A cowboy got lost. He yelled for help until he became horse.
oh!!

Permalink
| May 26, 2013, 8:27 am
 Group admin 
Q: Why did the Suzie fall off the swing?
A: She didn't have any arms.

"Knock knock!"
Who's there?
"Not Suzie!"



Permalink
| May 28, 2013, 3:32 pm
 Group moderator 
one time an octopus asked a shark, "what r your school grades? " then the shark replied, "they're below sea level"!
Permalink
| May 28, 2013, 7:39 pm
This might become a large comment:

There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

In frustration, the cannibal threw up his hands.

If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, you can expect a lengthy sentence.

Last one (for now): I was thinking about getting a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.
Permalink
| May 29, 2013, 12:06 am
Ok, I should warn you guys That my jokes are like a sick bird,
They should be ill-eagle.
Permalink
| May 29, 2013, 1:54 pm
Quoting Nik Brusk
one time an octopus asked a shark, "what r your school grades? " then the shark replied, "they're below sea level"!


I SEA what you did there...
Permalink
| May 29, 2013, 2:22 pm
An old cow boy falls off his horse and cries out," Help! I've fallen and I can't giddy-up!"
Permalink
| May 29, 2013, 4:17 pm
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
He Pasta way.
We Cannoli do so much.
His legacy will become a pizza history.
Here today, gone tomato.
How sad that he ran out of thyme.
Sending Olive my prayers to the family.
His wife is really upset, Cheese still not over it.
You never sausage a sad thing....
Permalink
| May 30, 2013, 8:07 pm
 Group moderator 
Quoting Toa Electroid
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
He Pasta way.
We Cannoli do so much.
His legacy will become a pizza history.
Here today, gone tomato.
How sad that he ran out of thyme.
Sending Olive my prayers to the family.
His wife is really upset, Cheese still not over it.
You never sausage a sad thing....

Nice 1! what did the corn say 2 his bro? give me a call i'm all ears!
Permalink
| May 30, 2013, 8:19 pm
A woman had a birthday party for her son. He opened gramma's present first. When he saw it was a water gun, he jumped for joy and went to fill it up. The mom said why did you get him that? "Don't you remember all the trouble we caused you with those when we were little?" The gramma said "of course I do."
Permalink
| May 31, 2013, 4:48 pm
 Group moderator 
Quoting michael k.
A woman had a birthday party for her son. He opened gramma's present first. When he saw it was a water gun, he jumped for joy and went to fill it up. The mom said why did you get him that? "Don't you remember all the trouble we caused you with those when we were little?" The gramma said "of course I do."

I don't get it
Permalink
| June 2, 2013, 8:56 am
 Group admin 
A cowboy rides into town on Friday. He stays there for three days and then leaves on Friday. How did he do it?
Permalink
| June 2, 2013, 11:55 am
Quoting Tristan Davis
A cowboy rides into town on Friday. He stays there for three days and then leaves on Friday. How did he do it?

Horse was named friday.
Permalink
| June 2, 2013, 4:57 pm
Quoting Tristan Davis
A cowboy rides into town on Friday. He stays there for three days and then leaves on Friday. How did he do it?

I think I know were you got that.....just kidding
Awnser=Friday is his horse!
Permalink
| June 2, 2013, 5:17 pm
 Group moderator 
Quoting Nik Brusk
I don't get it

Then you need to think harder.
Permalink
| June 2, 2013, 7:55 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting MCLegoboy !
Then you need to think harder.

LOL, I had to read that joke twice to get it :)

Here's a pun: I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.
Permalink
| June 2, 2013, 11:03 pm
POLICE OFFICER: You are under arrest for making too many lame puns!
GUY: Oh really? So what's my PUNishment?
Permalink
| June 3, 2013, 2:45 am
 Group admin 
Quoting Magma !
POLICE OFFICER: You are under arrest for making too many lame puns!
GUY: Oh really? So what's my PUNishment?

Ahaa... ahaha.. haaa.. *cough* Ugh.... Wow dude. I'm left quite speechless... :D
Permalink
| June 3, 2013, 2:52 pm
look up Chuck Norris on Google search and press " I'm feeling Lucky ". It is Truely Hilarious.
Permalink
| June 3, 2013, 9:00 pm
 Group moderator 
Quoting Magma !
POLICE OFFICER: You are under arrest for making too many lame puns!
GUY: Oh really? So what's my PUNishment?

LOL LOL LOL! 1 time, a man asked a dinosaur, "what is 2+2?" then the dinosaur said, "22?" the man frowned. then said "no wonder your extinct!"
Permalink
| June 4, 2013, 2:24 pm
 Group admin 
Q: Why did the MOCer group become inactive?

A: I really don't know. But let's get active again people!
Permalink
| June 5, 2013, 7:25 pm
I told my puns to the priest. He turned red and crossed himself. I guess they were hot crossed puns.
Permalink
| June 5, 2013, 8:40 pm
 Group admin 
Quoting JWG 258
I told my puns to the priest. He turned red and crossed himself. I guess they were hot crossed puns.

Errr... didn't quite get that one :)

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Permalink
| June 21, 2013, 9:02 pm
Quoting Nik Brusk
I don't get it

Think about it.
Permalink
| June 23, 2013, 1:10 pm
 Group moderator 
Hola Amigos! i have to tell u something, i still don't get that joke about the water gun.
But i do have a joke: why didn't the skeleton watch the scary movie? he didn't have the guts!
Permalink
| October 6, 2013, 8:48 am
What do you call a man with no shins.

Tony.

What do you call a man with a rod in his leg.

Rodney.
Permalink
| October 9, 2013, 3:32 pm
 Group moderator 
Quoting Nik Brusk
Hola Amigos! i have to tell u something, i still don't get that joke about the water gun.
But i do have a joke: why didn't the skeleton watch the scary movie? he didn't have the guts!

Dude. Grandma but the kid a water gun. Mom wanted to remind Grandma that when she was little, she used to torture her with it. Why would Grandma get her grandkid a watergun? Payback.
Permalink
| October 9, 2013, 8:11 pm
 Group moderator 
Quoting Mitchell Long
What do you call a man with no shins.

Tony.

What do you call a man with a rod in his leg.

Rodney.

Nice.
Permalink
| October 9, 2013, 8:12 pm
 Group admin 
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Permalink
| October 13, 2013, 11:20 am
 Group admin 
Quoting Tristan Davis
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Uhhm.. I'm afraid I didn't get that...

Q: Why did the Three Little Pigs leave home?
A: Because their father was a great big bore!

Permalink
| October 20, 2013, 9:52 pm
 Group moderator 
What do u call a swamp predator that uses GPS? A navi-gator!
Permalink
| April 3, 2014, 5:20 pm
 Group moderator 
Quoting Mastermind ¿?
Uhhm.. I'm afraid I didn't get that...

Q: Why did the Three Little Pigs leave home?
A: Because their father was a great big bore!

LOL
Permalink
| April 12, 2014, 9:52 pm
Other topics
Fortunate/Unfortunate Updated yesterday
« Jokes and Puns Updated Saturday
Movies/TV II Updated Saturday
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